Dealing with Anger If anger can lead to unthinking behavior or override our better judgment, we need to lessen its impact. We offer five suggestions. First, do not vent your anger: The psychological rationales for ventilating anger do not stand up under experimental scrutiny. The weight of the evidence indicates precisely the opposite: expressing anger makes you angrier, solidifies an angry attitude, and establishes a hostile habit. If you keep quiet about momentary irritations and distract yourself with pleasant activity until your fury simmers down, chances are you will feel better, and feel better faster, than if you let yourself go in a shouting match. (Tavris, 1982, pp. 143–44) Besides fueling the original anger, venting anger more often results in guilt, lowered self-esteem, mild depression, anxiety, embarrassment, and an exacerbation of the original conflict (Tavris, 1982; Averill, 1982). This is not to say that you should stew for days with unabated anger. If the anger does not eventually subside, although usually it does, an attempt should be made to calmly talk about the matter. Pick a time when the other person is not angry and will therefore be more likely to listen. Second, get advice about your chosen course of action from others who are not angry. They may be able to give you a clearer perspective and prevent the sometimes disastrous consequences of decisions made under the influence of anger. Third, become assertive. Anger is sometimes caused by continuous victimization. Being assertive means standing up for your rights in a self-controlled, nonaggressive manner that diminishes the potential for defensiveness in the other person. Bear in mind, however, that it is irrational to believe that life should always treat us justly. In other words, don’t overdo your assertive behavior. Fourth, learn to relax and to practice other stress-management strategies. Reducing the stress in your life and practicing relaxation exercises regularly can help you control the frequency of your anger. Lastly, don’t get angry. This may sound simplistic; however, when you consider that anger is rooted in the meaning you give to the events around you, as opposed to the events themselves, it is reasonable to try to alter that initial perception and prevent the anger from occurring altogether. Psychologists call this cognitive restructuring or reappraisal. For example, if you perceive that someone is trying to slight you in some way, you might ask yourself if there is another reason for his behavior. It might be possible, for example, that he is unaware of the impact his behavior has on you. Empathy, identifying with the position of the other person, sometimes helps to make these reappraisals. Or you might want to put things in proper perspective. For example, if you were counting on someone to mow the lawn today and he did not, you can ask yourself how important it is that the lawn be mowed today as opposed to tomorrow. Even if the lawn mowing were to be skipped for a week, what’s the worst that would happen?
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 11:31:28 +0000
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