Dear Anahera (C/- Heaven) It has been a while since I wrote, because we have been on a small tiki tour with Wilkinson, I will post some pictures of our adventure soon. Today though I read a message sent to me from one of your likers. It was poem about what it means to be mother. I have read this before but today it hits me a bit harder for some reason. Perhaps because today Wilkinson reminded me so much of you, and perhaps because last night again Wilkinson was staring intently of the photos of you on the wall, or perhaps because we meet someone in the mall today who follows this page and she stopped to say hello (which was really lovely), so thoughts of you have been quite strong. But what I started thinking about after I read the poem again, is how I really still do not feel like a mother. I thought that my lack of feeling like a mother was because you were gone from us so soon. I never nursed you or looked after you when you cried. I never heard you cry, saw your eyes or held you moving and warm in my arms. But whilst I feel total love for both my children, and I am totally besotted with your brother - I still dont feel like someones mother. I am not sure what I expected to feel. so what is it that I do feel. I feel and intense love for this little bundle of gorgeousness. I feel such a belonging, I feel a strong desire to rescue all those little babies in the world born to parents that wont or cant respond to their cries who will not love and nurture them - i want to just hold them all and show them love. I feel worried at every gurgle that doesnt sound right, I feel the guilt of worry that I am not doing enough for Wilkinson, I worry that something bad might happen to your brother some day maybe not now but perhaps a long way in the future, I feel a great need to provide him with all the opportunities for development I can, on the evening of the 12th June I understood things in a completely different way than I did on the morning of the 12th of June, and perhaps most importantly I just want to hug him and make him feel safe. All feelings I feel for you. So perhaps this is what it means to be someones mother. Love Your Mother
Posted on: Mon, 07 Jul 2014 08:44:05 +0000
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