Dear GOP, About your Tea Party fling: we get it. We’ve all been there. You meet a flashy, wild, balls-out lunatic and before you can say “but I’m not that kind of organization,” they’re in your bed and you’re a goner. You’re only human. You fall in love. Maybe for the first time. Your old friends call and worry and you blow them off. You’re so far gone, all you can think about is this crazy piece of work next to you, who doesn’t want you to see your old friends or family any more. Is this what you call controlling? Yup. Do you love it? You bet. Love is great. You throw out your well-cut conservative clothes and don whatever wacky uniform your lover wants you in. It’s a wild ride. You feel powerful, and yet not really responsible.You do things you only dreamed about. You’re on fire. You never knew it could be like this with anybody. You love who they love. You hate who they hate. You dream big. You could go anywhere together. You could invade Poland. It’s a fever. But like all fevers, it burns out. One morning you wake up and look at your bedroom. My God, where did this bizarre gear come from? Is that a Nazi helmet? And more to the point, what do you do now? How do you make this break? Because we’re talking about a dangerous berserker here. And they don’t want to let you go. Where do you turn? Who can help you out of this? The friends you blew off? They’re a little miffed. Your family? They’ve found ways of getting along without you. What do you even wear? Can you run to the local thrift stores and see if they still have the clothes you chucked? Because you don’t have a lot of resources now. We’d suggest you try your local battered-partner safe house but they’re gone. You cut their funding. Oh GOP, we’ve all been there. And we’ll be happy to help you find your way home. Wait, no. We won’t. We’re only human too and it’s going to take a while for us to heal. You broke a lot of bones here, running over us again and again with your Hummer because it made Tea Party laugh. You actually killed some of us. So that’s love, GOP. All the best to you. Hope your Tea Party isn’t stalking you with the assault rifle you gave them for their birthday. Wait, no. We don’t really hope that. We’re only human. Yours, USA
Posted on: Tue, 02 Jul 2013 22:10:08 +0000
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