Dear Holiday Inn Express: Ive spent the last 2 nights at one of your establishments. Bear with me while I make a few suggestions, please. 1) I like to take baths. Your tubs are only big enough for toddlers or chihuahuas. Chihuahuas are not allowed in the hotel. The toddlers are iffy at best. Who were these tubs built for? Tinkerbell? The American public is growing in height and girth. Either install larger tubs or provide a lever and pulley system to haul my large naked butt out of the tub. I feared I needed to call some poor unfortunate souls with the jaws of life to pry me out of the teacup you called a tub . 2) I prefer my sink in the bathroom. Ablutions should be performed in private, not in the sleeping area. Are you planning on moving the toilet into the seating area by the window also? That way you could eliminate one of the chairs that no one ever sits in anyway. 3) please provide trash cans that are as least as large as one of the 44oz. Polar Pop that I got at the Circle K. We just piled trash up near the tiny trash can after we filled the can with one soft drink cup. We really didnt mean to make the room look like Johnny Depp , Charlie Sheen and one of those NKOTB bad boys stayed there. The room just gets trashed if theres no where to throw trash! 4) Im pretty sure you can eliminate the shower cap from the free ablution amenities provided. Save the expense. No one has used a shower cap since Gladys Kravitz on Bewitched circa 1967. Invest in larger trash cans instead. 5) Has anyone EVER used a safe in a hotel room? Unless you are James Bonds nemesis , I dont believe these are necessary either. I did not see anyone in northwestern Ohio that appeared to need to secure top secret files, bricks of cash or a cache of jewels. I saw no one lurking around in an odd non -American military uniform , with a monocle and saber scar down his cheek. 6) I would also like to apologize to everyone from room #s 211 to 229 for the snoring coming from room 221. I fully admit I snore. LOUDLY. Honestly, theres not a lot I can do about it. But there were 4 of us in room 221. 3 of us combined to sound like a tractor pull on gravel each with an attached leaf blower turned on full blast . 7) Oddly enough, Andrew makes no sounds sleeping. None. Occasionally, one must take his pulse just for ones peace of mind. Now , my friends, you can figure out who were the other snoring tractor pull participants in item #6. 8) last but not least, towel size should also take into account the growing size of the American population. Im fairly sure I was trying to towel dry with something akin to a dryer sheet. Great wedding! Lots of fun. Thanks to the entire Funk family for a memorable weekend. Love you all!
Posted on: Mon, 17 Feb 2014 05:13:13 +0000
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