Dear Hollywood, I understand your entire purpose is to cast the worst possible actors for my favorite heroes, but frankly I cannot take it anymore. You insist on driving a Mevak through the heart of all I hold dear. Afterwards you laugh sadistically as you watch my favorite comics bleed ink and paint as their life force slowly dwindles (not unlike Superman and kryptonite, but much worse). I get it, you personally follow me around, you hear my opinions on actors and comic books, and, in a demented form of a joke, you purposefully place those I loath into move (re)makes of aforementioned characters. I know I have warded off comic movies, sworn an oath to the Whedon-Stanlee-Geoff-DC-MarkHamill-BruceTim-Lucas-Roddenberry-Cosplay Monster that I shall no longer spend a cent on your muggle attempt at making a great movie. Still, you insist on pushing my buttons. You like to watch me squirm with your leaks your whispers your rumoring. You are the Joker to my Batman, the Khan to my Kirk, the Borg to my Picard, Merry to my Pippin, Hammer to my Horrible, and frankly Hayden to my Star Wars. Which I find to be a beautiful segue: You see, I could go on a major list of those I hate (Ryan Reynolds), but I fear it will be too long (Ben Affleck). Overall its not necessarily the actor I hate, but rather the misguided casting job (Halle Berry) because some actors make great comic book characters (Halle Berry). Sometimes its just a shitshow of a movie (Eric Bana). Instead of going on I make one desperate plea: DONT LET CHANNING TATUM ANYWHERE NEAR MY GAMBIT!!!! GAMBIT IS ALL I HAVE LEFT!!! PLEASE FIND YOUR HUMANITY!!! That is all, Danielle P.S. As stated above, I will not pay to see another one of your atrocities (certain directors may not apply), but I also maintain the allowance to fume at your incompetence.
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 22:51:01 +0000
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