Dear Moms Who had Children before me: I have a confession to make -- and its not one Im proud of: I judged you before I had not one but TWO kids of my own. There, I said it. It wasnt intentional. It was just something that sort of happened. A knee-jerk reaction in my brain that I couldnt control. And now that I have gotten past the baby stage and into the toddler paradise myself -- well, this is awkward. I think I owe you an apology. Im sorry for not always letting you and your strollers past me when I was in a rush. At the time, it never dawned on me that once I got home, I could take a nap, where you -- you definitely werent going to take a nap. I didnt realize that the remainder of your day was probably much busier than mine -- and that nothing you were going to be doing was for yourself. And I apologize (and am a little embarrassed) for letting an obvious look of annoyance creep across my face when you and your kids were trying to squeeze by me in the bodega with the two-inch aisles. Im also sorry for wondering why you always, well, looked a little disheveled. Not put-together like you did before you had kids. And Im not just talking about the baby weight (even though, at the time, the moms I knew best were Kate Hudson and Natalie Portman, and they lost the weight quickly). I definitely thought it was sort of lazy of you to not change your spit-up-stained shirt. I now understand that this is how it works. And that thats okay. I thought having no time to primp would bother me, but it really doesnt -- just like you said it wouldnt. So, I guess, sorry for doubting you, too. Im sorry for wondering why your house was a mess. I just thought, Kids take naps, dont they? Why dont you clean while theyre asleep? I now know that when your baby is sleeping, toddler is napping or pre-big kid 4 year old is resting, you can get much more important things done -- like showering or eating! I also now understand that cleaning in and of itself is sort of a silly thing, because the results only last about an hour; sometimes less :/ Im sorry for thinking I knew way more than I did before having children of my own. (I knew nothing despite the countless books and blogs I read.) I shouldnt have made a mental note when I watched you give your kids a piece of plastic to play with (as opposed to the all-natural, unicorn-infused, wooden toys my child would constantly have access to). And Im sorry I was slightly horrified if a TV was on in the same room as your baby -- and you didnt shield their precious eyes from that brain-washing demon box (because you were on the phone [the phone, you monster!]). Im sorry for looking at you puzzled when you stood on the subway staring at photos of your kids on your phone. Sure, it was cute, but I definitely was like, Um, didnt you just see your kids? Its pretty much all I do when Im not with Graysen and Kendall. And speaking of photos, Im sorry for not fully grasping this uncontrollable desire you had to constantly show others pictures of your children. I so get that now. Lastly, Im sorry for wondering why you all were so damn sensitive when people commented or questioned your parenting. Who cares? I thought. Theyre your kids. Whatever. I understand now. Being a parent makes you more vulnerable than youve ever been in your life. And when someone questions what youre doing to the thing you love more than anything on this planet, it can make you irate. And sad. And insecure. So, Im sorry I didnt say, Youre doing the right thing. I didnt know that was what you needed. I hope you can accept my apology, Moms. It may be asking a lot, I know. But, like I said, I had no idea what being a mother was about until I had two of my own. If its any consolation, I think youre all beautiful. Youre all amazing. And youre all doing a damn fine job. But as far as our houses go -- Im just gonna say, thats probably a lost cause.
Posted on: Sat, 15 Mar 2014 23:00:23 +0000
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