Dear Mordechai, I keep losing my stuff. What do I do? ---- Lost STEP 1: Check your person. (Your person is you. That’s just how people say it. I don’t think you’re expected to carry around a smaller person and go, “Hi, I’m Mordechai, and this is my person.” But if you do, you should probably check him as well. STEP 2: Make sure to check the same five places 68 times. Especially if it’s not a likely place for it to be. For example, if you’re looking for your car keys, make sure to keep checking the fridge. STEP 3: Call for the item. Continuously say things like, “I can’t believe this! Where is it?” Like the item is finally going to break down and tell you. STEP 4: Calm Down. Whenever I lose something, my wife ends up finding it, and whenever my wife loses something, I end up finding it. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking we should stop hiding each others’ stuff. But it really has more to do with panicking. STEP 5: Buy a new one. As soon as you open the package, the old one will turn up. Guaranteed. For example, if you lose your car in a parking lot, the best way to find it is to buy a new car. If that doesn’t work, you can use the new car to drive around the parking lot looking for the old one. On the other hand, maybe the reason we can’t find anything is because we keep buying new things, and everything keeps getting lost under everything else.
Posted on: Sun, 11 Aug 2013 15:59:29 +0000
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