Dear Mr. Taco Joint Cashier, I am writing to congratulate you on your diligence in regards to the missing sour cream in my burrito. While I cant say your suspicions were accurate, I do see that it was indeed possible that I was trying to con your place of business out of a tablespoon of sour cream. Im sure any other cashier you would have simply given a new side of sour cream to a customer who claimed they had not received any. But, not you, old boy, you have instincts about these kinds of situations. As soon as the words came across my lips, Could I please have a little side of sour cream? your sixth sense went haywire. Surely this must be a sour cream thief, you thought. What is your name? you asked coyly, knowing full well that you had me dead to rights. Kyle, said I. Thumbing through your pile of receipts you see the name, Kyle and the words, Grande Vegetarian Burrito w/ Sour Cream. For a brief moment, you think your suspicions might be misplaced, but no, youve still got a card to play. Well, we charged you for it, you say, just loud enough so that all the other could bear witness. Weve got him on the run, now, boys! you think to yourself. Well, Ive eaten two-thirds of this burrito, I reply, And there doesnt seem to be any sour cream here. Clearly, that wasnt the response you expected. Your demeanor shifts from smug righteousness to what can only be described as forlorn despair. As you reluctantly ladled that dollop of sour cream into the tiny plastic cup and handed it over to me, I almost took pity on you. Indeed, I felt sincerely regretful that I couldnt reveal the truth to you at that moment. For you, kind sir, are truly a shining star among men. But, alas, you had the misfortune of crossing my path. A shining star, you may be, but not even a shining star can withstand the darkness of a black hole. Fond Regards, The Sour Cream Marauder
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 01:48:00 +0000
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