Dear Ovaries / Tenet; It has come to the attention of the Female Human / Property Owner that you are in violation of the rental agreement ( Section B paragraph 4 ). This notice is a warning that the following actions are cause for eviction: 1. Actions that cause anarchy, chaos, and destruction without proper authorization from the Female Human / Property Owner. 2. Actions that cause blood loss of varying amounts from the Female Human / Property Owner. Note that causing blood loss of varying amounts from other Humans is authorized and approved on a case by case basis. 3. Inciting homicidal rage in the Female Human / Property Owner to DEFCON 5 levels. Please remember the Female Human / Property owner does NOT look good in orange jumpsuits and cannot afford bail money or attorneys. 4. Remember common courtesy when demanding record levels of chocolate and ice cream. The other tenets, specifically the Stomach, have filed noise and health complaints. 5. Irrational emotional outbursts are unacceptable. The Female Human / Property Owner would like to enjoy cute fluffy bunny videos without having a crying mental breakdown that can only be cured by copious amounts of tissues and ice cream. The above actions are not acceptable and must be addressed immediately. Failure to comply with this notice will be cause for eviction. Sincerely, The Female Human / Property Owner p.s. This message has been brought to you courtesy of Midol, Pall Mall Menthol 100s, Sutter Homes Moscato, and Ben & Jerrys.
Posted on: Mon, 14 Jul 2014 18:42:00 +0000
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