Dear Sonny, Youve been in Heaven for 11 months now. I still cant decide if the time has flown by or if the the time that surrounds you was just like yesterday. Regardless of the time, our love for you continues to grow. Thats been one of mommys biggest challenges.. What do you do with the growing love for a child who doesnt exist on Earth? It lives in me, your in my heart, my bones, each breath I take. Autumn marks my favorite time of year. The cool air, hoodies, comfort food, the beautiful scenery and the smell of the air. Autumn belongs to you now. It will always be the anticipation of your birthday, your short but amazing life, and your death. For the rest of our lives, Autumn will belong to you. Just like every sunrise and sunset, every sunflower, every yellow balloon. As the one year makes its way, Im finding the grief and irrational thoughts hitting me hard. I know why, but it doesnt make it easier. Ive spent all this time focusing on spreading the word, being involved, trying to stay positive in your purpose that the grief is creeping up on me like Ive never known it to before. I know I will get through it but like everything else, its hard. I will still do what I can in your honor, just slower and one step at a time. I also have to accept that if I dont accomplish it all, it doesnt mean I love you less or that your life didnt have meaning. No matter what happens going forward, your beautiful and you are loved. No matter what happens going forward your short life was bigger and more meaningful than most lives. So my love, while mommy sorts out the OCD, the social anxiety, and her horrible addiction to Newports..be patient with me as I now take little steps toward my big dreams. Sonny.. There are days I feel like I have no right to be so broken, that because we chose life for you, that means we chose the pain too. I want you to know that mommy and daddy hoped and prayed so hard for you to live. We knew Trisomy could mean a short life but for the love of God, we knew you were not incompatible with life. So regardless of this grief, the OCD and anxiety.. I would chose it all again for your existence. What I would give for one more smoochie, one more snuggle, one more song, and one more day of your brother nearly knocking your bassinet over to get to you. Sweet Sonny baby.. My perfect daughter, I love you. Love, Mommy
Posted on: Wed, 03 Sep 2014 09:55:33 +0000
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