Dear Spiders, You can live in the corner of my room. I probably wont see you, and if I do Ill probably be too lazy or scared to try and kill you. You can hang out, spend the rest of your days eating the bugs that we both dont like. I might even forget about you, as long as we respect the unspoken truce between our species. But the second you come near my bed, I will kill you. I dont care if youre lost because you cant find your eight-lens glasses; youll die. I dont care if you were just passing through in search of a new home, I will smear you with a book and then throw you in the toilet. First of all, on my bed, like in the shower, Ive got home-field advantage. I know the terrain of my bedsheets, the best shampoo bottle to use as a weapon, the distance to the nearest tissue box. Secondly, my bed is my kingdom. Every cell in my body will defend it with a miniature patriotism that has no fear of death. I will squish you, then follow your webs back to your family and squish them. But leave one alive as a hostage and wait for the rescue party and squish them. Then, using papers I find on their bodies, locate the secret spider base and.. yep you guessed it, squish em. And think about it, in my life Im like 78 - 0 against you guys. What are the chances that youll be the one that makes it out? Respectfully, Scot.
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 09:51:33 +0000
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