Dear awkward man at the gym, Today marks interaction 4 between us. Cordial (followed by eye rolls that I know youve seen) does not a romantic interest make. There are a few reasons as to why: 1. It isnt romantic to begin a conversation with, Im sorry, I just have to. (And you proceed to touch me without permission) Your tattoo is so bizarre! Is this like your god or something. The fact of the matter is that you should be sorry and no you didnt have to. 2. As vain as this next statement is, you wear tall white Dad socks with white Dad shoes. #icant 3. Though I identify as queer, I do not visibly pass as straight and truth be told, Im a big fan of the women. BIG BIG FAN. 4. Hi. That beefy girl Im with? The one who looks like she could annihilate you? She can. Her name is Prudence. Were a thing. (Remember? BIG fan of women... ie: her) 5. My kindness is about to run out. And hell hath no fury like Amy Fing Howard who is gym hangry. Your futilely yet determined love match making is standing between me and food. Trust me (or my girlfriend), it will end poorly on your behalf. Please, for the love of whatever higher being you believe in, stop making me your love target. On a scale of 1 to 10, its a definite no. KTHX.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Jan 2014 15:31:31 +0000