Dear everyone; everyone I routinely talk to, everyone I have met, everyone on my friends list... Everyone. I apologize for anything that seems out of the norm for me, for saying or doing things that seem off or odd, for being extremely touchy or easily provoked. For the last month or so I have been extremely depressed in every form of the word and I dont know how to get out of it. If I was invited somewhere and responded with idk maybe some other time or i dont feel great tonight or i need to be alone it is probably because I had dropped into a funk and could not be bothered to get out of it. Ive lost pretty much all motivation to do anything save a couple of small things, Im losing my temper at people and forgetting things I normally would remember and do immediately. Im not really sleeping and, if and when I do fall asleep, I find it nearly impossible to get up. My nightmares have come back and are worse than ever. Ive woken up to panic attacks and tears routinely, and my anxiety is probably worse than it has ever been. The few things that I do still have some motivation for are being protected and guarded with a sharp tongue and angry snap if spoken against, and I am finding it increasingly difficult to care about anyone. A few people that I will not name have completely disappeared from my life with little to no warning and it has left me more than a little confused, though luckily a few others have shown up to keep me in line and talk me down when I cannot think straight. I am running on empty and I dont know what to do. Im starting to do things and I dont know why. So if I have done something that has made you angry, offended, or irritated, I promise I wasnt trying to do so. I literally have no idea how to fix this, and I dont know when it will end. All I know is that I feel like my chest is constantly being put in a vicegrip and I can barely breathe most of the time. I love you all, I really do, but right now I literally am at a loss in my life and dont have any idea when it will end and when the nightmares will go away. To those who have stopped talking to me for some reason: I miss you. I miss you so much. And Im sorry if I did something to hurt you. I am just really hurting right now and Im quietly losing control of myself.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Oct 2014 19:20:18 +0000
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