Dear family and friends, I am currently sitting here with six strongest fans going on above my head, so I wont be dehydrated. I have been counting, I could drink a full bottle of water in an average half an hour. And I never seem to have enough water. The past few days have been above 40 degree, with humidity it goes up higher. I am sitting in the meeting room in Grace House, where we stay in Dhaka. The meeting is room is where we hang out, do manuscript study, morning and evening prayers and worships. I have been really blessed with many Bangladeshi chiefs and servants (they call them servants here), three meals prepared for us every single day. With my whole heart, I could not be grateful enough. The perfect days start with toasts with eggs, peanut butter, nutella, and delicious homemade chai. Bangladeshi lunch and dinner catch up my eyes with similar taste at home, garlic pan fried fish. Really good. Dal, lots of rices, chicken, friend in everything, vegetables are still dishes I am getting used to, they are tasty and I am blessed. The most challenge part, eating every meal only with right hands, no silver wares provided. I am learning once again. The past few days have somewhat be challenging for me. Physically challenging, the amount of energy quickly dried out because of heat, Jetlag, noises, hot, dusty and sandy air, heat rash, many physically body reactions... Embrace them, they are gifts... those words quickly come in my mind, as I am about to become frustrated with myself and the surrounding. Waking up with entire body sticky and sweaty are normal encounter, a bucket of cold water, the most precious gift to start the day. Growing Pain: Growth curve stage 1 As the next month and half is not only a mission trip, but also a personal self-growth/realization and allowing God to transform my heart. The posture of learning is my personal main theme of the trip. God has been kindly reminding me with posture of openness, accepting and trust to my teammates and people I will encounter in Bangladesh. Pride and Humble are two things Ive been learning for many years. Prideful attitude, a significant learning process God has been giving me. I entered the trip with somewhat prideful attitudes, where I know I would deal with the a new culture much better than many teammates. Soon after we arrive, I am not surprised it took me half an hour to adapt and adjust into Grace House, where I felt home after a prayer walk already. Not long after, those prideful attitudes lead me with a harden and frustrated heart with people around me. Where I find myself having hard times to communicate with people around me, who are not able to understand or get the vision as quickly. I realize I loose my patience easily. Finding myself alone with these mixed of emotions. Sitting with those emotions do not help. Go to Jesus, with your burdens, my heart knows. Travelling half way around the world, I found myself isolated in an unknown city with these emotions I have. Only God knows. As I was reading the book of James, two verses speak to me, God gives Grace to the humble, where I realize my prideful attitudes drive over my logical thoughts and lead me to ungrateful attitudes. Where the words speak to me, go and build the relationships up, go and support your brothers and sisters, go and help them growth....go and listen with attentiveness... Ive taken the words, come to good term with with one of my teammates after a minor conflict, where I asked for forgiveness from him and opening myself again. Doing vs. Being: Compassion reveals This is another verse that comes alive to me, Be patience in sufferings, it took my few days to realize I have been emotional drained from the experiences I have in Bangladesh so far, with the heat does not help me at all, but worse. The picture of frustration become even more clearly to me, those frustrations not only come from the prideful attitudes, but also my physical health and the unspeakable sadness I had from my placement. I am working at Center Training and Rehabilitation for Destitute Women (CTRDW) and orphanage in the slum, where the center provides shelter and food for abandoned single mothers and children. I didnt realize how hard I have been on myself, repressing those emotions and burdens for days. My hearts were broken for those women and children. The youngest girl, Aysuma, only 14 years old pregnant with 4 months. My heart could not describe what I witness and experience. With the language barriers, I can only use my smile and broken Bangla to communicate. The first few days, I found myself putting on a spot, where I had to used all my strength to entertain the women and children. Many of my first times gave to the women and children: my first time of leading worships, my first time of giving a talk on women health on pregnancy, my first time of massaging those pregnant women, my first time of being an auntie to those abandoned children, my first time of leading an art class, my first time of giving simple touch on those wounded women....many first times. Those moments of first times, I know I am doing what I can and what I have, those moments give me joy, but I seem not to satisfy. I realize here is the big problem. I strive of productivity and performances, where I long for activities and results. Culture shock right here, coming from a background of productivity win and a doer, it does not meet well with Bangladeshi culture. Bangladesh people are nature being people, they prefer being over doing, where they can simply be okay with just spending time with people and sitting all day long, where my desire is on one activity after another activity. I realizes that, God wants me to slow down and rest, and using the insights and gifts He has given me. Rely on Him. So what do I do with all these unspeakable emotions, where the poverty is right at the door step. Facing injustice every morning at my placements, where hope and love seem to be the solutions when there is language barrier. I had a conversation over breakfast with my one of the leaders, David. Simply delivering my experiences, and the first time in a week I could finally said to people, I have been sad for the past few days, its a really sad place where I work. David simply points out the ideas around suffering and compassion, where he told me you have a heart of compassion where you can put yourself into those womens experiences, and allow yourself to suffer with then. And it is okay, but bring them to Jesus. Its comforting when I know it is okay to suffer with them. I have been praying a lot to ask God for guidance, as I process these heaving burdens, where I feel trapped with me experiences and asking for hope. God reminds me once again, be patience in sufferings. My heart knows He will make beautiful things and everlasting joy out of sufferings, because He has done it before. Love Reveals: Four women Dahliea, the CTRDW director, came to me with a sad news on Thursday. Samia, a premature two months old abandoned children, was found to have server eyes vision problems that can make him blind. And the potential foster family wound not take the baby anymore due to the health issues. Samia is going to have a surgery on this Sunday, where the chance of successful is uncertain. Dahliea, a face of worries and stresses asked me and Luke, my placement partner to pray over Samia. This womans love for children at the centre is beyond what I can imagine. Her love speaks through her prayers, cares and battle she stands for those women and children. Musori, a street woman who is abused and abandoned, she gave me a picture she coloured and draw with my name on it, her biggest beautiful simile reveals the love and mutual language we speak. Joriti, who is a Hindu Communist, who I had the most difficult times to communicate, many times she seem depressed and choose to not engage with the activity. She often seats quietly at the corner. Before I was leaving on Thursday, she came with mouthful of Bangla, where I replied with Je, je, Bujina (Yes, yes, I dont understand), with some translations help. I have never seen the biggest yet shine simle on her, she said, Are you coming tomorrow? Its holiday. Whenever you come, I feel really good. My heart pumped and melted. Bella, 27 years old woman, the oldest one at the centre, she asked me for prayer the other for her safe delivery, as I lay my hands on her, I saw the tears in her eyes, the trust she has given me, were unspeakable. I have been learning and receiving so much already. It is incredible, The womens stories to be continued... I know this is lengthy updates. There are already so much to tell. It has been a week since we arrive. My body is finally adjusting to temperature here. Its Friday here, the holy day in Bangladesh because of Muslims. It is also the day we go to church. It has been a joyful joyful joyful day. Thank you for reading these and praying for me. It means a lot to me with your love and prayers. More updates to come when the next time I get to use internet. Prayers Requests: 1) Pray for my willingness and soften hear to grow on the understanding of: humbleness, humanity, and compassion 2) Pray for Samia, for a safe and successful eyes surgery on Sunday. Pray for the doctors, as some of them go on strike couple days ago 3) Pray for CTRDW women and children, to see the hope and light for future, witness Gods love, and have faith and endurance 4) Pray for my physical health, adjusting to the heat and food 5) Pray for our team: unity and building relationships among one another as shown in Acts- One heart one purpose Love, Candy
Posted on: Thu, 22 May 2014 15:10:43 +0000
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