Dear friends and family, I am finally feeling good enough to try and put into words what my recovery has been like and let you into my world. It has been a very difficult recovery and it is taking much, much longer than anticipated. After you read this I hope you will understand why I was not able to write to all of you and let you know how I was doing. As you may remember, I had major abdominal surgery for cancer on Oct. 7th. So here is an outline of only the highlights of my ongoing journey to recovery; the good, the bad and the ugly. Surgery went well and I was able to return home on Oct. 10th. With a couple of modifications the bathroom was setup so I could use it, I had a place where I could sleep sitting in a more upright position and Mom was ready to help care for me; I had high hopes for a speedy recovery. Reality has a way of slapping you to get your attention. When I arrived home I was given Naproxen for the inflammation and a liquid morphine for the pain, as I cannot swallow a pill. The Naproxen I had to stop almost immediately as I was getting severe side effects from it. The liquid morphine I managed to take 3 times before I had to stop taking it due to the pain it was causing from constipation. That pain was much worse than the surgical pain I was also dealing with at the time. Unfortunately, all opiates cause constipation so I was not able to take any pain killers. I had to try and manage with liquid Children’s Tylenol. Not a good solution! For 3 ½ weeks I went through such intense pain that it was a daily fight not to pass out. Those were the longest 3 ½ weeks of my life. Along with the pain I could only sleep about 3 hours a night and I could only eat 3 or 4 different foods without creating even more pain. For the first time in my life I actually prayed to die to end my ordeal or for God to give me the strength and courage to endure. My prayers were answered and I was given the ability to endure. During this period of intense pain I was also dealing with a week of multiple panic attacks. Mom was so wonderful. Every time a panic attack would start, Mom would come over and hold my hand and draw my head over to her body while she told me how much God loved me and would help me through all of this. She was right, He did and in time the panic attacks stopped. On Oct. 17th I was able to have my staples removed. Oh how I was looking forward to that day. Things started out well but quickly took a turn for the worse. When I went to lay down my back muscles were weak and gave out causing me to snap back very quickly and caused a tear in 2 abdominal muscles; one on each side of the incision, between the incision and my hips. A new kind of pain had now been added to my already pain-ridden body. This injury took 2 weeks to heal so the pain was bearable. Because of the radiation I had before the surgery and the fact that I am diabetic, I was worried the incision would rupture so I ask my GP if steri-strips would be a good idea to help keep any strain off the incision. He agreed and so the steri-strips were applied over the incision. Unfortunately, the adhesive was not the same as the tape used after surgery and I was allergic to it. So, the day after my staples were removed I now had water blisters, which hurt and itched at the same time, next to the incision. Along with the latest complications came a new problem with my vision. In my right eye I had lost pieces of my vision, which is very disconcerting as I also have retinopathy. I was still in too much pain to travel the 14 miles to my eye specialist so I just prayed and hoped for the best. After about 4 days my vision returned. A true blessing! I normally have a positive attitude, but I must admit I was now going into a depression. Too much to deal with in such a short time was taking its toll. I had lost the person I was and I did not know where I fit in in the scheme of things. I was lost; I was floundering. As I tried to get a handle on my new emotions more complications started to occur. The incision which had been healing so well now developed a rupture near the radiation site and it did not want to heal. A week later another rupture in the incision also appeared. These ruptures were very sore, weeping bodily fluids and blood. They were definitely ugly! I was told they could take weeks or even months to heal due to the radiation and being diabetic. It has already been 6 weeks and counting. It will probably take another 6-8 weeks to heal if all goes well. After a couple of weeks I went to see my diabetic nurse and she called in another Dr. They took a culture and found I had a staph infection in the ruptures. So, I started a round of antibiotics hoping that would take care of the infection. Last week I had another culture taken and although I am slowly beating the infection I have to take a second course of the same antibiotic, which is very hard on my system. On the up side, on Nov. 24th I drove for the first time since surgery. I can’t drive very far, but I am mobile again! ;-) My depression has gone and I feel like I have a purpose again. My personality is still working on slowly coming back. Whether or not it will ever be the same as I was before surgery remains to be seen, but at least I am alive and able to help those around me; even though it is quite limited compared to what I was able to do before. But I am working on getting back to “normal” as fast as I can. I am able to get rides so I am now getting help from my Naturopath who is giving me treatments which is starting to help me in many ways. Between the antibiotics and my ND’s IV treatments the ruptures are slowly starting to heal. I have a wound care nurse which comes in every week to make sure the wounds are clean and healing, so I am sure that in another month or two they will just be a bad memory. Oh yes, and here is a BIG plus; no more radiation as had been planned!!! What a blessing. ;-) There are many other complications I have also had, but they are minor compared to those I have shared with you. The main thing is: George is dead and I am very much alive! ;-) So, I hope you can now understand why I have been silent for so long. It is not because I don’t care; it was because I had nothing left to give. I am still very weak, but I will try my best to let you know how I continue to progress. Thank you all for caring and being there for me. You are all wonderful! ;-)
Posted on: Sun, 07 Dec 2014 01:01:33 +0000
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