December 19. Three years ago, Chase was diagnosed with cancer. Three years ago my life went sideways and to be honest, my life has not straightened. Sadly, even though three years have passed, I still wake up some mornings blissfully thinking the last three years were just some nightmare. But the truth is that my nightmare became a reality. My son is dead. He fought with resounding courage and strength through unspeakable suffering to die at the age of 14. And our story is only one of thousands of families who suffer this path in life. And yet, here I am reflecting back over the last three years once again. Often times we hear that our lives can change in the blink of an eye. However, I was one who was guilty of taking life and its blessings for granted until I answered the phone that December day. Looking back at Christmas 2010, who knew that it would be our last normal Christmas together as a family. Had we known, would we have acted any differently? I dare say the knowledge that it was the last would have tainted the joy of the moment, and I suppose I am thankful that I didn’t see the train wreck of my life coming. Living in the moment looks good on a refrigerator magnet, but let’s be honest, it’s not an easy task. Letting go of the past and looking forward with either hope or fear to a future that you may never see is quite the conundrum. But alas, Shakespeare would call that the rub for living in a fallen world. Life simply is not easy. I wonder if anyone makes it to the end of their lives without experiencing a season of suffering. For the most part, I lived 43 years avoiding any dire pitfalls. But the last three years of my life, I feel as though I have been through the meat grinder of life. And though I would expect anger, bitterness, and brokenness, I find joy, hope, and a strength that is only evident of a Living Savior that has been with me every step of the way. And yet, I miss my son. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss his witty personality. I miss his laugh. I miss his blue eyes. I miss his annoying habits. I miss going through the holidays and daily living without him. I miss it all – the good, the bad, and the ugly. And though Chase is dead from Earth’s view, he L I V E S from his eternal home, and there is a day coming when my sideways living will be made new. Psalm 30: 11-12 You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise you forever. Lord, Give that boy of ours a hug from his mama. Thank You for protecting from him from an eternal death. And thank You for Your grace. Amen, AMen, AMEn, A M E N!!
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 17:07:37 +0000