Defensiveness evidenced in a conflict communication scenario, is an interesting trait. It arises from emotional, psychological and even physical, “triggers.” Defensiveness exposes itself in the form of a physiological reaction to these external, or internal, “triggers” and further exposes itself in the form of reactions that are ultimately fear and anxiety based. Defensiveness comes out of fear: a fear of a lack of appropriate agency in a situation or with a group of people; a fear of a loss of power, based in a “zero-sum” mentality; a fear of a loss of control when events occur that are unexpected. Defensiveness acts like either acid or a time bomb. It corrodes responses into reactions and blows up reactions into escalations. What are some of the best ways to respond to defensiveness, either in self or in another? • Stop: Stop what you are doing. Experience your emotional reaction as well as the physical one. Be frustrated or angry, but do not react verbally. •Think: As yourself (or ask it about the person who is responding defensively) what are the reasons for their reaction? How can I respond in a way that does not escalate the situation? Or, if I chose to escalate, how can I control it? •Listen: What does the tiny voice inside of you (some call it intuition, some the “gut” some the Holy Spirit) tell you to do? At a base level, we all have two parts to our brains: the cortex where reason and logic lie and the amygdala, where the resistance of anger, fear and passion live.
Posted on: Tue, 16 Jul 2013 15:48:01 +0000
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