Developing a successful blended family mindset What does it really take to create a successful blended family? The key word here is ‘create’. A successful blended family doesn’t just happen. It takes two people intentionally working together all the time. What kind of mindset (or attitude) do you need to develop in order to overcome the many extra challenges with which you will eventually be faced? One of the first things to do is develop a mindset of permanence. Take the marriage vow of “Till death do us part” seriously. Develop the understanding that 20 years from now, whatever trials and tribulations you are going through today, will probably seem insignificant then. View the marriage as a covenant rather than simply a commitment or contract. Once divorce has been removed from your personal dictionary, you can move on to learning how to skillfully resolve conflict. Learn how to argue productively. If you can’t reach an agreement right now, at least agree to disagree agreeably. Table the discussion with an agreement as to when you will get back together to try again. It’s impossible to always agree with your spouse or your kids, so you will need to develop a mindset that allows you to look at a situation from a perspective of what’s the best for all concerned and not necessarily what’s best for you. The trick in arguing productively is to avoid at all costs the temptation of making personal attacks on the person you are debating. Stay focused on the main issue. After about the third volley of comments about a particular issue, the average person starts getting frustrated and takes the cheap shot – pushing the other person’s “ignition button”. Once that happens, everything becomes personal attacks and the main issue is forgotten and now goes unresolved until it raises its ugly head the next time. Both parties are hurt and wounded and often get resentful and bitter towards one another. Be intentional about keeping the marriage as your number 1 relationship. Use a weekly “date night” to show the children that you value your marriage. As you demonstrate the importance of your marriage, you will be teaching the children that one of the best ways to keep a family together is through a strong marriage. Teaching the children that they are the ‘most’ important thing in your life sets them up for failure later because they won’t understand the sacrifices that a strong marriage requires, Since the word family implies that children are part of the mix, you really need to have the mindset from the beginning that you are going to do your best to be a good parent. One of the challenges in blended families is that the newly married couple doesn’t really have that honeymoon period where it is just the two of them. They are parents from day one of the marriage. First, be the best husband/wife you can be. Secondly, be the best parent you can be no matter whose children you are parenting. Be the good example for them.
Posted on: Sat, 23 Aug 2014 13:52:10 +0000
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