Disastrous evening today ... Im driving a car right now ... My child is sick .. he is having a high fever ... I scolded my husband over the phone ... And what can i say traffic jam .. Kind of sandwiched with pain ... I keep pressing the horn .. But i dont know why ... Gods grace i learnt driving .. otherwise it wouldve been difficult ... But i dont drive like Ajay ... My husband .. Oh ! what i was saying to him? Oh god .. why dont you control women tongue when theyre are angry ... Ajay .. I am sorry .. I called him .. but he is not picking up the phone .. Look at this poor child .. Arjun sitting next to me and sleeping like a cat ..in the car.. Let me touch him and see .. his fever is okay now ... My boys fever will be gone before this traffic i think ... I still think of the day..i cried like anything that day ... Ajay came to home after meeting the doctor and he said Archana ...Doctor gave me the results We were not having a child aftr 2 years of marriage.. i was so anxious to hear about the results.. and so i asked him what happened Ajay? Ajay was very calm .. he never said anything ... and then i shouted..whatever it is tell me now Ajay..please Ajay hugged me and said Archana you are 100% normal..you dont have any problem..but .. I was .. i was saying But ??? Ajay replied But .. i cannot give you a child Archana and he wept like child..tears were rolling down his cheek ... And i .. i started weeping too ... I hugged him ... in my shoulders he said are you going to leave me Archana? And then i kisse him in his forehead and said Dont be stupid .. how can i do that to you? and for another ten days .. our Home was like .. someone died recently ... After a while .. My cousin Ravi came to our house for attending an interview.. We are the happiest couple .. Ravi always say my married life should be like you guys... But this time .. he was skeptical after 2 hours stay in our house... He came and asked me what happened? why are you very depressed..even Ajay seems sad..tell me what happened? Ajay went for bying groceries... I told Ravi everything ... and asked him not to disclose it to anyone ... Even though were are arranged marriage couple ..we lived like we loved since we born... It was very embarrassing for Ravi to hear this ... but he hid everything and said So what? you cant have a child..I dont see a problem here I was like what? He said If you cant have a child together .. adopt some child I said But it is not gonna be our child..Ravi.. He said Oh! my .. I never thought you will be this much selfish I said what is so selfish about this? out of sudden burst of anger .. He was calm and replied Relax.. let me explain .. answer my question ..will you? he asked Go on I said .. why every living being on earth gives birth? he said I really dont know what to say ... that was a simple question but the answer .. I said for the continuity of family ..or for loving them.. or you can say the children will take care of us when we get old He started .. fistly let me talk about Continuity of family - why do all want to continue the life? what is the meaning really? you n me are born and we are gonna die some day ..the same is what gonna be done by our offsprings.. then why are we really interested in the continuity ? And there are lot of human children doesnt have parents... but why do really we worry much about continuing our own blood or DNA ? Secondly .. You said for love.. yeah i accept the fact .. that giving birth to a child and taking care of it ..everything will create love... and you will love your child .. it is like creating a life .. a gods work .. but why were not showing the same love to another child who doesnt have any parents ? .. If love is only for our blood our own DNA .. then the meaning of love becomes selfish .. If you really wish to give a chance for making someone live on earth .. why dont you really make some poor kids already suffering live better on earth? .. now tell me which is gods work ? .. which is really love ? thirdly ..the third point .. is the disgusting one .. But yeah of course we need someone to take care of us .. in our old age .. but for that if we make children .. it is like we are making insurance policy ... It is completely business .. am i right ? I couldnt talk... I dont know what to talk .. I was just blinking and thinking where this Stupid learnt all this ... I just nodded and shrugged my shoulders .. didnt say a word.. And he continued Archanaa... Even though i am a little younger than you .. Ill tell you an advice.. The love..the true love .. only appears when youre out of survival instinct .. The continuity, old age reasons are all just our survival instinct..you know fear of losing ..Love cannot be created out of fear..Only if we are not under survival instinct.. we will be living and loving .. now you got a chance .. a real chance.. adopt kids and give them a better life .. that makes you a great mom than a mom who gives birth and loves her child The day he spoke ..really made some sanity to me ... I spoke of this to Ajay .. i just asked him Can we adopt a child? .. His sudden reply was when are we gonna do that ? We adopted Arjun and Anusha the same day from an orphanage .. they were 1 and 2 years old respectively .. they know that we adopted them..but they still call us Mom and dad.. not only them..everybody in their orphanage..we visit regularly .. I dropped Anusha in her kinder garder .. and now i am with Arjun on the way to meet Dr Nandhakumar.. Ajay left early this morning without even telling me ... i was so angry and after knowing Arjun was having a fever.. I called ajay and shouted You dont care about kids.. you know why? you never think that theyre yours... you keep having your complex in your mind Ajay .. that you cant ....How can you leave without telling me ? .. And he said Im sorry ..sorry .. I ended the call .. but oh god .. how can i say that.. he might ve not told me becaus i was sleeping .. He might thought not to be disturbing ... How can i say those words? .. I hurt him .. I hurt him ... I am sorry Ajay .. i wann cry to him and beg him that i will not repeat these words... The traffic got cleared.. Dr Nandha kumar is couple of miles away from here... We usually meet Dr santhi ..but she is not in town .. that is why i am gonna meet Nandhakumar today.. Ajay never wanted to meet Dr Nandhakumar after the day that he announced his result on his potency .. He once said We should never meet Mr nandha kumar for any concern ..since he is not lucky to us.. Ajay is a rational guy .. i donno why he said that .. but today i am gonna meet that Doctor .. No other way ... I fianally reached the Doctors room ... He is checking the Boy arjun ... Little fever nothing to worry he says... I :Oh...will he recover soon? Nandha kumar : Nothing to worry ..Mrs Ajay .. I : you still remember us ??... Nandha kumar : How can i forget? Ajay is my family friend.. his father was my classmate in school... I : Oh i see.. Nandha kumar : You are really lucky to have him .. You know my wife left me ... I : why ? Nandha kumar : After knowing that i cant give her a child.. I : Im so sorry doctor... Nandha kumar : even though she is a doctor .. she wanted to be a mother .. even though she is my wife..she wanted to be a mom ..she wanted to have her own child.. i will not complaint about her .. she is a normal woman ..But youre really lucky to have him ..even though he knows that you really cant give birth to a child .. he still lives with you ...and he really adopted children ..he is something great... I was shocked ..terribly shocked... I said What are you saying doctor? Nandhakumar says why so much surprise? I asked him to tell you this .. that you cant give birth.. I asked him to tell the truth .. he first defied me not to say this to you ... and then finally he agreed that he will say .. but he cried a lot that day ... I managed not to cry there.. I went back home crying a lot in the car.. Arjun was keep on asking me Mommy why you cry? it was afternoon ..Ajay called me back .. I never attended the call ... I want to see him ..but i have no words to speak to him ... Ajay came home afternoon ... and i was sitting on the couch ... alone .. Arjun was sleeping ... Ajay : Archana .. I am sorry ... sorry really sorry .. I was very silent .. he came closer to me saying where is Arjun? is he okay ..sorry they called me for a business deal online ... some problem in US ... He came closer.. closer..I fell down to his feet and hold his feet and kissed his feet and sobbed ..he lied down with me and holding my body .. what you are doing? ...he says ... I said with a broken voice and tears Why didnt you tell me that i had the problem? he is ocnfused and asking what problem? please dont cry .. it hurts .... I say That i cant give birth to a child... i met Dr Nandha kumar today..Tell me why you did this? why you took my pain ? Why you did this to me you Idiot ? .. I cannot stop crying ... Ajay never wept .. but tears rolled and he said because I love you .. I love you more than my life I hugged my Husband .... I felt god.. Ravis words echoed in my mind The love..the true love .. only appears when youre out of survival instinct Sittaraman Gunasegaran
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 18:01:28 +0000
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