Do You Need To Be Less…Confident? -By RICHARD ZWOLINSKI, LMHC, CASAC & C.R. ZWOLINSKI C.R. writes: Apparently, many people today are too confident. No, really. A study suggests that people underestimate what they don’t know—and overestimate what they do know. Could it be all that constant self-esteem building we’ve been focused on instilling in each of us the past twenty years? Or, have people always been too sure of themselves? I’m not sure. Perhaps over-confidence comes about when people have never been told “no.” When three year olds are asked whether they’d prefer sushi or the leek bisque for lunch and six year olds get to choose where the family vacations. Perhaps the groundwork for over-confidence is laid when everyone’s opinion is always valid and every idea’s a good one. Or when a child is never allowed to lose a game, an award, or get a bad grade. Are we becoming a nation of naked emperors? Here at Therapy Soup we’re really big on healthy self-esteem. But there is a fine line between self-esteem and self-entitlement. Perhaps over-confidence comes about when ads constantly tell everyone, “buy brand x, you’re worth it,” even if brand x costs way more than they can afford. If you buy into the media and consumer culture, you’re kept dangling at the edge of desire; therefore you’ll spend your money on their stuff. How do advertisers do this? They keep telling you how discriminating your tastes are. How adventurous you are. How brilliant you are. How unique you are. And if you buy brand x, everyone else will be able to see this, too. What about Western culture? Where you are told from a young age: There is nothing you can’t do! You can do anything! You can be anything! You can achieve anything! As long as you believe in yourself. Would it be so bad to be able to say, “You know, I tried, but I just don’t have the talent or the commitment to win first place in that musical contest, and in fact, I may not have all that many talents, but I’m still an okay person. With flaws. Maybe achievement is not self, despite the fact that the world seems to think it is. After all, I do have good friends and a knack for making people feel loved, I am loyal, caring, and sincere.” Would it be so terrible to say, “I relied on my gut instincts in life, but life isn’t the movies. I lost my shirt in the stock market, after twenty years I realize my career choice seems shallow, and I’m at least 50 percent to blame for my failed relationships. Maybe if I stop dreaming big about “getting stuff” I’ll score big in the little things in life.” Is it the emphasis on self-esteem building that makes some of us over-confident, even arrogant? Is it advertising? Is it our culture in general? Or is it simply human nature to think you know everything? What do you think?
Posted on: Wed, 12 Jun 2013 14:15:22 +0000
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