Do you know why Im so successful? Of course you dont! If you did, youd be like me! And youre not! Last time I looked, anyway! Im so successful because I get to define what success is! Surely you can see the genius beauty in that plan! How can I ever fail if I get to determine the benchmark for what success is? I see confusion in your eyes, but youre just too embarrassed to ask, arent you? Youre just shackled to the notion that if you set a goal, like preventing a grind, for example; just pulled out of the blue, mind you, not an actual goal set by anybody I know... Anyway, when a grind DOES happen, you see it as a failure, dont you? Well, you couldnt be more wrong! Because people got arrested and thats a good thing! I told you before that my real secret goal was to draw Denmark into this mess and I succeeded! And since I succeeded, that makes it a success, not a failure! Are you beginning to see how this all works? I have secret goals that I choose not to reveal until after events occur! It is only then that I reveal what I REALLY wanted to occur, which, coincidentally mind you, just happens to be what unfolded! Cant you see the beauty in this? I NEVER fail this way! Still confused? Ill give you a few examples! You may have recently seen articles about one of my old ships headed for the scrapyard. I know, I know, with the state of my fleet its hard to know if theyre going to the SO or to the scrapyard, but this one was really bad off! Anyway, it was our scow, the Farley Mowat, which I named after that old windbag who wrote books more tiresome than even my poetry; and thats really tiresome, believe me! You just read the final version! Think of all the re-writes in between! I read all that crap! Anyway back to the ship... It was the only ice rated tub we had so we sent it to mess with the knuckle draggers up in Canada that bludgeon seals and boil them alive! Or maybe its skinned alive; hell, I cant keep all this straight! I have a world to save and cant be bothered with details. Anyway, for reasons I wont go into, I am unable to participate in those campaigns, so that Swedish kid and that Alex guy, whose last name I always misspell, are in charge! And guess what happens? They get arrested and the ship is siezed! We either pay fines and dockage fees or it gets sold! Now another man might have been angry and carried on with threats about taking back our ship from whoever bought it from the Canucks. Wait! I DID that, didnt I? Well then, yet ANOTHER man might have admitted defeat, but not me! I see an opportunity to dump the sucker! Of course we strip all the good stuff first! Youd be surprised what the crew can stuff down their pants! Hey! Is that a SIMRAD in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Man those security guards sure are dumb! My one regret is that no one could get the hot tub and that big bed from my old cabin! Oh, the stories they could tell! If they talked, that is! Which they dont! Whew!! So after all the good stuff is stripped, I pull my Brer Rabbit trick and tell everyone this is exactly what I planned all along! Dumped another tub off on the dummies just like we did in Ucluelet, BC! Genius, huh? So my secret after the fact goal was to have Canada be responsible for paying to scrap the heap! Perfect! Another way Im successful is to be near others that achieve success. Like that shark thing recently! We latched onto that baby like a leach! No, wait! Like a remora! Thats much better, topical, even! Leaches are for bait and we dont fish! (Unless its something tasty we happen to come across; then we might have to cook it for quality assurance reasons, of course!) Cause fishing kills the ocean and if the oceans die, we die! You cant say that often enough, btw, so feel free to repeat it! Add a
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 01:47:35 +0000
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