Dreamed last night that my mom was sitting down at the long dining room table in her old house, with a Muslim family, arranging a marriage for me with their son, a boy Id known and had a crush on from all the way back in grade school, but in his 50s now, like me. As I entered the room from the guest room in the back and nodded at everyone, I looked at my mom with a question in my eyes, and she whispered to me, Im arranging your marriage. I whispered back, Youre what? She shushed me and started handing out copies of a contract. I skipped over all my Western objections to an arranged marriage and whispered, Do they know Im trans? The family looked pretty traditional to me, with the womens heads all covered and the men in tunics and pants and kufis. They were all checking me out, like a cow they wanted to buy. The sight of my mom negotiating confidently with the brown-skinned Muslim father about my arranged marriage was pretty unbelievable, but I rolled with it when she said, Yes, they know. I was shocked that they knew and were OK with it. I looked around at all the elders sitting around the table and said, Whos the groom? She said, Hes not here. Its _____ _______, from your grade school class. I was like, NO way. He wants to marry me even though that makes the marriage gay? All this conversation was whispered as they were looking over the document. She nodded. I had to sit down. Everyone nodded and smiled at me after I said at full volume, Do I get a say in this? And mom said, Yes, but were just getting ready to sign the contract. I said, Where is he? I have to meet him first. We havent seen each other for almost 40 years. Everyone followed me into the next room, where he was waiting. _____ was there, in a suit, on the couch. He stood up, smiled at me with gentle eyes that held laughter and welcome and care. I looked back and all my reluctance and chagrin melted away. My heart opened up as I beheld The Beloved, light streaming from his face. He said, Will you have me? I remembered the boy Id had an innocent crush on, saw that the man before me was that boy grown, and felt a love Id never known before well up from the cave of my heart. I said, Yes. He held out his hand to shake mine and then pulled trans, fat and fifty-one, into an embrace that promised everything, everything. All my defenses were down. I moved out of the embrace, took his hand, faced our families and said yes. Then I felt my heart sink into my toes, and cold crept over my body. I let go of his hand and whispered to my mom, knowing full well that, since this detail is not of any importance to her, she may have omitted it from their negotiations. Mom, you told them Im a Jew, right? And she looked down. I shook my head and put my hands over my face. _____ said, Whats wrong? I looked at the gathered families and said, Can you give us a minute alone please? And everyone walked back into the dining room. ____ and I sat on the couch, and, certain that this impossible joy would be ripped from me, said, I am a Jew. He nodded at me, a serious expression on his face. And he said, Yes, I know. I said, But doesnt your family object? And he said, No. When you come to the place where we live, you will see that we live in harmony with Jews. We daven with them, they make zikr and duaa with us. Your heart already lives there. That is why we sought you out. And I woke up with tears on my face.
Posted on: Thu, 17 Jul 2014 16:28:55 +0000
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