Dreams Can Change As I child I had dreams of being a mother & a wife. God blessed me with both, such a happy life! After the birth of my son, the symptoms began. My life as I knew it would not follow my plan. It threw me off track & forced me to change. Being a mom had new meaning that was different & strange. My body was in charge now; my plans were shown the door. My body could not do the things it had done before. I had to change my approach & find a new way of life. I could still be a good mom and a loving wife. Strength would be my focus, being positive my goal. I could not allow my body to change “me” as a whole. At my lowest I’d cry as my pain turned to doubt. To grieve the loss of a life planned out. I’m human and felt the regret & the loss. Of a body that became an obstacle to cross. To stay in this frame of mind was just not me. If I was to live up to the mom I knew I could be. Children want love & attention, MS can’t take that away. I needed to focus on my love and hope to brighten their days. I would show them I’m brave while facing my fears; Embrace my new life while smiling through my tears. MS is an obstacle, a struggle; that’s true. But my children wanted guidance to tell them what to do. We could play board games, read stories or draw pictures to start. I helped with homework, or cuddled & counted stars after dark. On good days, I tried dancing to our favorite songs. Looked as they screamed, “Watch me!” at the park in the sun. These days I needed a nap, but I relished the moments of good. For the bad ones always return and I don’t dwell on “I wish I could…” “Budget your time”, “Live in the moment”, “Grasp life by the horns”. All clichés, but all too true when bad health leaves us torn. I am still myself, my heart & spirit are true. I may need to slow down, but I’ll never give up what I do. My family is what I need to face each day with a smile. MS will never change that. Giving up is not my style! By~Tammy Malkowski,
Posted on: Tue, 08 Oct 2013 03:30:37 +0000
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