Dreams. For nearly 3 years Matt and I stopped dreaming. We were just focusing on the day, getting though it and praying everyone in the family got to live another day. We didnt know what the future held and we struggled to look beyond the present time. We still had hope and faith in God’s word and trust that His will and plan was best. It was like we had a cloud above our heads though that stopped the dreaming and we just desired for life. Just before Skylah relapsed, still being on maintenance chemo, she did start feeling better and we got to take her to the beach. The first time she got to play on the sand and get her feet wet was just before her second birthday. Only weeks after that we found out she relapsed and as you know, days later we moved back to the UK and she was admitted to hospital for 9 months. I know this might seem like I am making a big thing about dreams but for our family it’s something that we don’t take for granted. When we left Cape Town Skylah had the dream to swim in the sea. We could never grant her that dream due to her condition but I held onto it for her and in secret I had hope that the dream was given to her by God. I have attached an email below that I wrote nearly 2 years ago. You might remember reading it but the significance of this email is the ending. We have now lived 4 months of normality and let me tell you we only now realise just how our life and dreams have been on hold for the last 3 years. But we have been set free and been given a better life now because we don’t take it for granted and we appreciate everything around us. We feel so blessed. It’s just been the most amazing, fun and exciting time in our lives. To summarise, Skylah is doing so well and is a normal little toddler girl. Matt’s got a dream job at Jaguar Land Rover only 30min away from home. Skylah is starting nursery on Monday 8 September (just that sentence is miraculous). And we got a place at our number one nursery choice and instead of just tarmac it’s got greenery, big trees and a beautiful play area. The boys started at their new school today (same school as Skylah), its walking distance so their dream of riding their scooter to school has come true and they love it. Our offer on the house we want has been accepted. Our home back in Cape Town was our dream home that we designed and built and it was sad that we couldnt live in it any more. Yet God has given us a house that needs renovation so that we can put our mark on it, even our inside braai that we shipped over can now be designed in. After so long of living in hospitals and rentals we get to dream about the family home God is preparing for us and to make this our home. So yes the dreams have begun again and God is bring them to life. Skylah’s dream to meet Princesses and Mini Mouse came true with the Make A Wish Organisation and we had the best 4 days of our lives. We werent in bed before midnight for 3 nights, ate candy floss for breakfast, went on crazy rides and had lunch with princesses. I think we all fell asleep with big smiles on our faces every night. Then a few months ago my sisters and I started dreaming of a reunion. The last time we were together was a year and a half ago but it was under hard circumstances and to look after the boys. So for 3 sisters to be best friends and to be apart for so long was very sad and hard and especially because my sister in South Africa had her second baby in May and not being there with them is horrible. So, it started out of desperation to be together, it started with a chat on whatsapp, it started with a wish, a dream, a prayer to God and it ended up coming true. We just came back from my sister’s place in the South of France, in the French Riviera, where my other sister and two kids from Cape Town joined us for 3 weeks. Trust me it was only through the grace of God that this came true because a lot was counting against us, money being one of them. Yet, we were blessed with private beautiful beaches and crystal clear warm seas, a trip to Italy for shopping, girly movie nights, dancing to music, drinking wine on the terrace and appreciated every second of each other and each other’s love and care. Nearly every night when I went to bed I would lay there in awe of the fun special day we had and just so thankful to God for what he’d blessed our family with. Last year when we visited my sister in France Skylah was still not allowed on the sand and in the sea due to infection risks. But this time her dream has come true and she swam in the sea. I do actually think the reality of the dream was met because the laughter and fun she showed was beautiful to watch. Even the memories and pain has been washed away. God has not just healed bodies but hearts too and our new life has begun. Every morning I pray with the kids and I will always say: thank you Jesus that we are alive, thank you that we are well and thank you that we are together. May I never take that for granted again and may God continue to put those desires in our hearts! If you get time, read my email below. You will then understand, be reminded and forgiving why I seem so boastful…it’s just because…after all of the hard times…life is easy now and appreciated! All my love, Zelease From: Matt and Zelease Date: 25 Nov 2012 23:29 Subject: Skylah 25 November 2012 To: Matthew Brain Cc: On Friday Skylah’s doctor asked to speak to Matt and I. That always makes our hearts skip a beat with everything that has happened. It wasn’t a conversation that we wanted to hear. It basically came down to the fact that they haven’t had any long term successful cases here with Skylah’s disease. Either the babies die because of infection that they can’t stop, the chemo kills them or in most cases if you get to the bone marrow transfer what happens is that it comes back because Leukaemia cells hide. Even though we knew all of the statistics, to be told again especially when Skylah has been so sick and in so much pain it brought fear, doubt and sadness. Matt and I just held each other and once we were over the shock and ready to fight again I said to him ‘let’s tell each other something positive’. Through Matt’s tears he said to me “Skylah is going to live, this is the road that Abraham had to walk when God asked him to sacrifice his only son Isaac, this is our road which will be hard and at times, unbearable but God is with us and will help us and give her a perfect bone marrow match and a healthy happy life, just like God gave the ram to be sacrificed in place of his son Isaac . To God a 70% chance to live is too easy, he likes the impossible - the 1% chance of making it. That way we can give God all the glory and honour, which we do already”. A friend emailed me the below and what she doesn’t know is that when we found out that Skylah had relapsed Matt felt God put the story of Abraham and Isaac (Genesis 22) on his heart to help us through all of this. So getting this email from my friend just confirmed it: Try and remember them when times are at their toughest - l am sure you do without even realizing it - perseverance, patience & peace. Nobody is ever a success for Jesus without this - think of Abraham, climbing up that mountain to offer lsaac? did the Lord not say He would supply? And He did! l have this vision of you and Matt climbing up that mountain with your little angel, stumbling, tiring, thirsty, steeper and steeper up the mountain, looking up and crying, Lord are we not there yet, why Skylah? And the Lord gently looks down on you and says, persevere my beloved children, l will supply, l am in control. l will never leave you, nor forsake you! To get back to the Doctor conversation, to cut a long story short, she said that if we are ok with it she wants to put Skylah forward to potentially be accepted on a new clinical trial where if all goes well and she gets through to the bone marrow transplant instead of just leaving it at that they will continue giving her new cells in the hope that it will keep the Leukaemia cells away. So she did come with news of hope, we obviously said yes yes yes we will of course be open to that. It does mean we would have to go to London but like Abraham he went were God wanted him to go ☺ The last 3 weeks have been very hard to put it mildly. It can be expected because she is getting the strongest chemo but you can never be prepared for the pain that they go through or the side effects. She has had to have blood and platelet infusions nearly every other day. In 3 weeks I think she’s only had 4 days where she did not have a temperature. She’s not really eating and has been vomiting most of the days. With all that said I asked the Doctor on Friday how does she think Skylah is handling the chemo and she said really well considering its so strong, that she has been on chemo since 9 months of age and with all the changes that she has had to undergo. Wow wow wow thank you Jesus, as her parents we obviously think it can’t get worse then this but it can so we are so thankful to Jesus for hearing our prayers and protecting her. Thursday was a hard day for me because I knew I had to cut her hair. It had started falling out and she kept on crying about hair in her mouth. How do I not cry my eyes out – I am her mommy, she is my little girl and it just makes what she is going through more real. I felt sorry for myself but most of all I felt sad for her. I spent the Wednesday night begging God to help me be strong in the morning for her and to send someone to help cut it. When I woke up the morning my hope levels and energy levels were pretty low but I still prayed and asked God to bring joy, bring peace and to make this day possible because I knew what lay before us. For the first time in 3 weeks Skylah woke up that morning smiling and had energy to sit up and not just lay in my arms and cry. The first thing she said to me was ”mommy cut hair”. Wow, so we did and we did it with confidence and laughter and she loves her new hairstyle... it’s still falling out so this is stage one but little steps are what we can take. I can’t stop thanking God for being in the details of it all. Since then she’s just been in my arms, the weekend has been better. She’s had no temperature for 2 days so they stopped 2 of her antibiotics, she’s eaten a little bit and every so often she’ll give us a smile... a smile that makes my heart melt and that reminds me that she is still my Skylah Rose even though she looks different and isn’t herself at the moment. I am asking God to help me look at her through His eyes and not through eyes that scream I have cancer! We are still in isolation because of her diarrhoea but I’m not complaining too much as it means we have our privacy! Just a few prayer requests: Obviously for protection from infections for Skylah and that this chemo will destroy ALL the leukaemia cells. For her counts to start going up – at the moment she is in the minus numbers. For them to find and confirm the perfect bone marrow match. For my sister Evette who quit her job and has come to help us out for 2 weeks at a time on and off while we are in hospital. She and her husband felt that our need is more important than theirs for now and are really putting us first. She needs lots of prayers because she has taken on our whole family to look after. She does everything for us so that Matt can go to work and it’s nonstop all the time. Matt’s mom also needs prayer because unfortunately her cancer has returned too. We found out a few days after we arrived and she will find out in a few days time what it all means and what needs to be done about it. Please join us in prayer that she will have complete healing too and that it will just need an operation and that nothing more is needed. Luckily we are here to give her lots of love and support. Lastly just thank you to all of you that are praying and standing with us for this supernatural miracle by God. Whenever we get scared we just need to look at how He has provided for all our needs and keeps on blessing us and guiding us. My hope is that if anyone out there who reads my emails that does not believe in Jesus will come to faith through our ordeal because no one can turn around and say its coincidences. Skylah’s dream is to swim in the sea with her pink arm bands and my dream is to write to you with the good news that our walk is over, we have reached the top of the mountain and Jesus has healed her completely and forever... wow how we are going to celebrate!
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 20:48:17 +0000
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