Driving home tonight I started thinking about all the wonderful people in my life, Ive met some of the best friends and reconnected with others over the past year. I remembered being told No one likes you, they cant stand you. before this year... tonight it dawned on me how back then I was stressed out and not a very likable person perhaps... but there were still some people who liked me despite that... Niamh you were my rock during some very rough storms I love you sweet heart! Michelle I was thinking about texting you when you texted me today but I was in a rush out the door. I cannot express enough how much I love your positive passionate energy in my life! Amanda has been like a sister to me from the first day we met November of last year... Sara is a sister in some very strong soul experience ways to me... These women have been love and beauty filled with strength and joy they shined brightly in my life and loved me this last year, I didnt need money or to own a business to impress them, they have just loved med selflessly and completely. Ashley Lachelle Kofford I wasnt supposed to talk to her but I would sneak phone calls to her despite my spouse disliking her... and she stayed by my side through really dark times. I remember one morning calling her up the night before had been shouting, a trip to the emergency room and ... some stuff I still cant talk about. She listened while I balled incoherent... frightened and scared... I remember her calming me down when I couldnt get a hold of my therapist that day... during our talk my wonderful therapist called me back and I got to deal with my trauma right then. All of those things... so distant now make me so glad for everything I have now. I love my peaceful boring life. I relish being alone. Every day is full and beautiful and I get out of bed excited now. Instead of just existing I am alive and happy! I may be temporarily broke financially and my husband may not be paying spousal support... and according to my lawyers I may never be able to get a divorce... and yet I am fully and completely content in my life. I never again want another person to have control in my life like that. A lot of what happened was my fault, I didnt have the strength to argue I just boiled alive in my own resentment instead of talking things through partly because I never before knew how to have conversations about such things before this year. Now thanks to millions of Audiobooks I am getting a pretty good idea on how to deal with people other than by withdrawing when I feel hurt by them. I was a very cold wife. The arctic circle had nothing on me. I was Pluto cold and even more distant. I may have had reasons but mostly I just didnt have the tools. Now though... I dont really want what I lost. I dont mean my marriage but my dreams of romance are pretty much dead and I have become a committed bachelorette... I supposed this would fade after the first year of not being married, but every day I rise only to discover how perfectly wonderful the single life is for me. I absolutely love being a lone wolf! (Well almost lone, my pack of Messy and I is pretty exclusive.) With no strong desire for children and enjoying my solitude, I see no reason for a mate. I know it seems strange... I used to long for strong arms to hold me but now I have heated seats in my car and my dog to cuddle with and I find myself content. There are of course things Ill miss, but most I just fly free unchained untied, complete in my experience of the world around me. As a child I was taught I had to marry before thirty because after thirty it was more likely I would get hit by lightening than to ever catch a man I felt each year from the time I was sixteen like the ticking of a time bomb... November 25 I will be 31 and I have no fear of it. I feel excited for all the wonderful things going on for me in business! November sixth I will be Auditioning to be on Shark tank with an idea, and I have another one in development that will hopefully get the support of congress! Each thing is so separate.... from software to nutrition to clothing to the stock market, I find myself always excited about some business venture these days! With business unlike men Im free to roam and try a bit of each flavor from only a small involvement, to partial and to full throttle. Perhaps in some ways I am biting off more than I can chew, but I am going to be buying myself a horse and pay for all the trimmings a stable and trick riding lessons for my thirty second birthday! Ive decided I need to be a millionaire because I love my friends, I love my family, and because I want to influence the world into being a kinder and gentler place with more love, integrity and happiness! So I have to succeed now because one wonderful thing I got from my marriage and Empower Network is how possible it is to make millions each year, and more importantly, that who I am now without money is the same person I am with money, Im not a diamonds and sports car girl no matter how much I have in the bank. I am a practical down to earth loving person who enjoys giving and taking care of those who take care of me and help me... and even giving to those who can do nothing for me. I thought money would change me and I feared it... then I discovered I had no reason to! I am a happy healthy person underneath all my self doubts and it was such a wonderful discovery!
Posted on: Thu, 30 Oct 2014 08:49:14 +0000
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