EMAIL FROM MEMBER: “Hi, I have a 7 year old little girl & need some advice regarding what to do about her Father. He’s been in her life twice for a matter of weeks/months then was never to be seen again, all emails & letters I’ve sent over the last 7 years have been ignored, the few responses I have received have been excuses in the context of “I’m too busy” or the reason he doesn’t bother is my fault because after months/years on end of my emails being ignored I end up getting my hair of with him & he finally responds in the end saying See, this is why I dont bother! like he waits for my patience to run out then uses it as an excuse to not bother. I’ve said we could use a third party or he can contact her directly without my involvement if Im the reason why he doesnt bother. He’s very much a “Everything is to be done on my terms” character, I’ve even agreed to his ‘terms’ just to get him involved with her, but even then he still hasn’t bothered. 2 years ago he last came into her life for a few weeks & my daughter instantly bonded with him & has been asking about him since. She wrote him a letter recently saying she misses him & wants to see him again, I was unsure of whether to send it to him but I didn’t want to end up being the bad guy withholding letters she’d written him so did as she asked & forwarded it to him. He has now messaged me saying he’s away travelling but when he gets back he will respond to her letter & discuss contact. I am hopeful that he’s genuine for our daughter’s sake & that maybe he has woken up to the fact that he needs to stand up & finally be a Father to her. Something is really niggling at me though about his motives. Coincidently, his response has fallen in line with the recent call he would have had from the CSA saying to him that theyre closing cases & if he doesn’t come to a personal arrangement with me re his payments, then they will take an extra 20% from him (& deduct 5% from me) They asked me whether I would accept a personal arrangement & I said no I’d rather lose 5%, because he hasn’t paid a penny in her life until the CSA caught up with him recently so I do not trust that he would make those payments, even they had to threaten court action to get a payment from him (he earns around £800 pw) My daughter would be so over the moon to have him in her life, she always talks about him & draws him pictures etc, but what do I do? I’m willing to forgive & forget if it means he can finally be a Father to her but I’m worried that his motives aren’t genuine & he will end up hurting her again :( I know I should tell him to get lost but my daughter really wants to see him so Im torn on what’s the best thing to do for her? Im worried that if I say no then it will end up being my fault because he will say I did try to be a Father to you but your Mum wouldnt let me! Could I have some helpful advice please?”
Posted on: Fri, 21 Nov 2014 10:38:12 +0000