EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY TO SELF the job of finding someone who is emotionally present and accountable for a mutually fulfilling relationship is made a hell of a lot easier by being emotionally available yourself. It is important to remember that when you attract or are attracted to people who are emotionally (and possibly spiritually or physically) unavailable, that if you stick around in spite of this, you need to address your own unavailability. . However, that is very different to people who are habitually emotionally unavailable – it’s their ‘emotional lifestyle choice’. If you habitually engage with emotionally unavailable people, it’s imperative that you face your own emotional unavailability if you genuinely do want to find love and a relationship. Emotionally available people are consistently emotionally available. They’re people who don’t just talk the talk but consistently through actions engage their emotions which is reflected in what results. It’s important also to realise that part of being emotionally available is that desire, willingness, action, and actual need to feel your emotions, not run from them. This means not just feeling the ‘good stuff’ but feeling your fears and not being restrained by them. Emotionally unavailable people are often running from feeling. When you get too close they pull away, when you’re around someone decent, you pull away, when you’re seemingly offered what you want, you second guess it or suddenly find issues with it. Emotionally available people don’t limit themselves. They’re actively working to ensure they don’t have limited beliefs and they don’t limit their capacity to feel and emotionally engage with other people and be truly intimate. When you align yourself with emotionally unavailable people, you are limiting yourself by being with someone that has a limited capacity to emotionally engage, has a limited offering, and whose initial emotional persona is limited. Literally. What you get is only out for a limited time and then they’ll either slow fade out to the real emotional persona or just literally switch over and whip the proverbial rug from under your feet. Emotionally available people don’t keep running from true intimacy. Emotionally unavailable people are afraid of the consequences of being truly intimate with someone and ‘letting them in’. They’re afraid of what they will feel if they truly put themselves out there and feel genuine intimacy and end up being vulnerable and/or the relationship doesn’t work out. They’re afraid they’ll lose the relationship as soon as they’re vulnerable. This is why a lot of emotionally unavailable people are afraid of abandonment/of being ‘left’ and so they don’t let themselves get intimate because they’re afraid of realising their fear. Of course, in carrying a belief that people will leave, they tend to align themselves with people who will leave and who are emotionally disconnected, or end up doing their utmost best to sabotage things so that they do realise the fear of abandonment and the self-fulfillinf prophecy is proved. Emotionally available people don’t sabotage what results from emotionally engaging with others. They don’t create drama, disappear, sprint from the scene of the relationship, and put up walls. Emotionally available people don’t lose themselves in relationships with emotionally unavailable people because it would feel too damn awkward for them. Emotionally available people love themselves and don’t spend copious amounts of energy talking negatively to themselves, wallowing in blame and shame, and lacking compassion and understanding. They act with love, care, trust, and respect to themselves hence making it easier to recognise when others don’t. Emotionally available people don’t keep looking for excuses to stay in their comfort zone because in being emotionally available, they’re intimate with the honesty of what they feel and experience. While we’re all prone to bullshitting ourselves from time to time.
Posted on: Sun, 06 Jul 2014 05:15:54 +0000