EVERY CHURCH SERVICE A LIFE SKILLS CLASSROOM AT WAY OF LIFE CONTEMPT-A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION SOURCE MATERIEL 1,-MALCOLM GLADWELL(journalist with a degree in history) -wrote five books (tipping point, out liers, blink, what the dog saw, David and Goliath) -once accosted by three police officers while walking in downtown Manhattan, because his curly hair matched the profile of a rapist -Gladwell describes himself as a Christian who wandered away from his Christian roots when he moved to New York, only to rediscover his faith during the writing of David and Goliath (book about under dogs) and through his encounter with Wilma Derksen. (Amazing story) -In 2005, Gladwell commanded a $45,000 (+_R300 000) speaking fee. --In 2008, he was making about 30 speeches a year (+_9 Million rands) 2, JOHN GOTTMAN (Proff emeritus in psychology) -appeared on Oprah. (John Legend I knew I made it when Oprah called me) -published over 190 papers -author or co-author of 40 books - developed multiple models to predict marital stability and divorce -well known predictive studies regarding newlyweds 3, Dr. PAUL EKMAN (American psychologist) -pioneered the study of emotions and their relation to facial expressions -created an atlas of emotions (ten thousand facial expressions) -3,000 relevant to emotion. -gained a reputation as the best human lie detector in the world. -developed techniques for measuring nonverbal communication -most airport security practices rely on his models SIX HUMAN EMOTIONS BY PAUL EKMAN anger disgust fear happiness sadness surprise CONTEMPT-A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION In his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell describes the work of psychologist John Gottman. In Gottmans lab, spouses were asked to discuss something mildly contentious while sensors recorded their physiological responses. After years of studying the nuances of these exchanges, Gottman became startlingly successful at predicting which couples would divorce. The most telling indicators, he claims, are expressions of contempt. An eye roll or a mildly disdainful put-down was more worrisome than outright conflict. In fact, the presence of contempt in a marriage affects not only the survival of the relationship, but even the immune systems of the parties involved; spouses who live with chronic contempt get more colds than those who dont. DEFINING CONTEMPT -mixture of anger and disgust, -expressed from a position of superiority. -it denigrates, devalues, and dismisses. Dr. Robert C. Solomon places contempt on the same continuum as resentment and anger, and he argues that the differences between the three are that resentment is directed toward a higher-status individual; anger is directed toward an equal-status individual; and contempt is directed toward a lower-status individual. FEATURES OF CONTEMPT -judgement concerning appearance - moral or personal failing or defect -perceived lack of status. -classification -projected worthlessness - perceived failure to meet standard. RELATIONSHIP DESTROYERS -defensiveness -stonewalling (emotional withdrawal) - criticism -contempt (the most destructive of them all) CONTEMPT AMONG WOMEN AND GIRLS -women and girls engage more in non-verbal forms of contempt -speak nicely but making mean faces. -girls are socialized to be overtly nice and conciliatory -to avoid conflict whenever possible -contempt is often executed behind the victim’s back (gossip) A STORY OF CONTEMPT In 2003, the Palo Alto City Council defeated a resolution that would have discouraged elected officials from facial expressions conveying contempt at public meetings; this was proposed because council members were so weary of colleagues intimidating one another by these subtle but rude facial expressions. SWEARING IS A WAY OF SHOWING CONTEMPT (anger and disgust) A christian was telling someone about Jesus. The person must have said something extremely foolish or annoying. The Christian interrupted him and said, “Listen, I shouldn’t be saying this, so I’m going to ask forgiveness before I do it and after I do it, but I’ve got to say something.” Then he asked God to forgive him for what he was about to do, angrily said, “That’s bull****!” and then prayed again, apologizing for swearing. EIGHT REASONS WHY CHRISTIANS SWEAR:BY ERIC PEMENT (1) I swear so I can relate to the people on the street. Swearing shows them that I’m “real” or “authentic” and am not putting on any fronts. They feel more comfortable in relating to me. (2) I’m avoiding personal hypocrisy by swearing. Since I really think curse words in my mind, it would be hypocrisy for me not to say them with my mouth. If I spoke “religious” and didn’t swear, I would be a hypocrite, which is a sin according to the Bible. (3) I swear in order to break a “religious spirit” of pretense. People have been indoctrinated into the “externals” of Christianity by an outward show, and swearing disrupts their stereotype of a Christian “image.” I want to show that Christians don’t have to fit a particular mold. (4) It’s okay for me to swear because I’ve been under special pressure, suffering, or persecution. (5) These words aren’t really bad anyway. Words don’t mean anything in themselves except what we think they mean. All words are neutral sounds which mean different things depending on the language and culture of the listener. If I curse in Japanese, you won’t be offended if you don’t understand the language. I’m not letting society tell me which words are “good” and “bad,” and I don’t think these words are “bad.” (6) The Bible doesn’t really prohibit “bad” words—it only speaks against slander, blaspheming God, or unbelief. The commandment not to take God’s name in vain only means not to make false vows. (7) I can use certain words if they’re listed in the Bible. Are you saying the Holy Bible is wrong to use words like piss, whore, and bastard? Besides, if I’m calling her a whore, it’s because she really is, and aren’t we supposed to tell the truth? (8) I leave amongst people who swear all the time, so what do you expect. “...Because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips” (Isa. 6:5). WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT CONTEMPT Proverbs 21:23 Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. Matthew 12:36-37 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Proverbs 12:18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of wise brings healing. Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. James 1:26 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this persons religion is worthless. Proverbs 15:4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. Psalm 39:1 To the choirmaster: to Jeduthun. A Psalm of David. I said, “I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth with a muzzle, so long as the wicked are in my presence.” Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers. Matthew 5:22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. Proverbs 19:5 A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape. James 3:1-18 Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 1 Peter 2:1 So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. 1 Peter 3:10 For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Proverbs 5:4 But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Luke 6:45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. CONCLUSION LET US MAKE MEN IN OUR OWN IMAGE -There are people who will hate and despise you and show contempt, ie, hatred and disgust, for reasons unknown to you or features in you that you cannot change -They will project their own standards of normality and hate everything and everyone that does not meet those standards -To leave in such an environment is to subject yourself to perpetual devaluing and degrading of self until there is no more of self -I have heard people say to their spouses, you have taken away my self worth, if I stay with you longer, I will loose myself completely -Racism is a good example of the worse form of contempt, it has been practiced by white people towards black people for years. -As a means of survival, black people developed black consciousness as a way of life and a mental attitude to help them survive the devastating effects of years of racism -Racism is part of the arsenal of white supremacy, it serves to empty black people of all sense of worth, empty shells who live to drink, fornicate and die -Contempt is shown by black people to their own kind too, black consciousness will not help in this instance, you will need a self concept that transcends cultural and tribal heritage -LET US MAKE MEN IN OUR OWN IMAGE is the only cure to any form of contempt, if you believe it
Posted on: Sun, 13 Jul 2014 05:44:20 +0000
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