Early Christmas morning around 2am Grayson gets out of bed and comes into our room crying, saying he feels weird. He says that his stomach and legs hurt and he cant sleep a pretty regular side effect of the chemo that he gets everyday between now and October 17 2016 the day he ends his chemo treatments. I picked him up and brought him back to his bed and laid him down, stumbled down the stairs and got him a dose of this beautiful drug called Zofran, which helps prevent nausea, and got back into bed. Around 5 am I hear him calling for us again, so I get back up and go into his room. He is asking for someone to rub his tummy as now he has a stomach ache. I lay down next to him, and touch his forehead, an instinctual reaction that has been burned into myself and Laurens nervous systems for the past year and a half. He is cold and clammy all over his body, and hurts all over. My beautiful 4 year old son looks at me and says, Why do I always have to be sick? I hug him without an answer and rub his head till I can feel the cold damp slowly leaving him, and be replaced with warmth. He falls asleep and I go back to bed angry and not sleeping. Why, when at this time kids are waking up to go jump on their parents beds to get them up to open presents, does my kid get pain, and the feeling of loss. Why now is there a lesson in helplessness? Why on Christmas is there this reminder of sickness and death. Not that it helped much at the time, but I then remembered that this is what Christmas is about. A helpless child born in an out of the way place, to scared parents, destined for a life of hurt and loss, to save a sick world from the effects of death. If that child and family had to experience that, than why not us. We celebrate the life that is given to us, and how it is given, because life is hopeful, and because its lived together. We look forward to a new year, honored by what we have learned, but hoping for a very different year. Please pray for Grayson as we go to clinic on Friday for more chemo and blood work. Please also be in prayer for the thousands of other kids and families that are fighting for their lives against this insatiable monster.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 04:42:06 +0000
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