Eating Food In Shanghai..or..Don’t Pass Me A Clam, Schoolboy. I found out quite early that the one type of food you won’t find here is..Chinese Food! Well, at least what people in the USA call Chinese Food. You won’t find Chow Mein, Lo Mein or any other Mein that you associate with Chinese people. Nor I have I seen Egg Rolls, Fried Rice or a single Fortune Cookie..ever! Food here is everywhere and couldn’t be fresher. No MSG seems to be used anywhere, and perishable foods at a convenience has only a 12 hour shelf life. If not sold, it gets tossed out. At many markets you pick out the poor critter that you want to consume and they take him and whack him before your eyes. A bit much for me, I must confess. The primary bird consumed seems to be the duck, with chickens bringing up a close second. I haven’t seen a single turkey for chowing down on anywhere. This is really a shame because I know a certain wild turkey I left back on the farm in Connecticut that could feed a good portion of the city. I’m sure he’d take a few people out with him during the effort, but it still should be considered. But when it comes to chickens, nothing is wasted. And I do mean NOTHING. Which is also a handy way to start the next segment. As you know I was raised in a society that usually thinks “Look! HEY! It’s fried! It’s gotta be good!” And the scarfing begins. I’ve had to modify this way of thinking, and changing it to “Look! HEY! It’s fried! What in the hell is it?” Why? I thought you’d never ask! There is a street nearby that sells nothing but seafood. Ahhh! Every shop and outdoor stand is bursting with Oysters, Shrimp, Prawns, Squid, Crabs and countless varieties of fish! They also have tons of the best crawfish you can imagine. These mudbugs are better than any I ever slid (slud?) down the throat in Louisiana. It’s a shame that they don’t use the Cajun spices they use down there that tells you that if you don’t drink a beer in the next three minutes, your back will break. Still, they are just great eating. And I’ve left out one other type of seafood that I REALLY love..Clams! I stopped at one place where a small man with a big knife was opening them with almost no effort. I scanned the display of goodies that were ready to go and I saw..Clam Strips!” Hell yeah, that’s for me!” was the cry of the moment...So I proceeded to point and fork over the needed cash to make them mine. I was handed in return, a fairly good sized bucket of them and prepared to get outside of every single one. I pulled one out and just before shoving it between the drooling fangs, I noticed something a bit different about this one. Because this clam strip appeared to have a toenail, or claw nail. Or perhaps it was a talon? Doesn’t matter, I had serious doubts as it belonging to the clam family. Of course clams do have what is referred to as a foot, but I’m quite certain no nails were a result of their evolution. Trust me, I know clams. I love clams. Steamed, raw, baked, stuffed, chowdered, you name it and I’m all for it. I’ve even produced more than my share of clams on the cornet as well over the years. Hell, when I was 9 years old, I even had a pet clam named Malcom! I had rescued Malcom from a family gathering where dozens of clams and crabs were being shoved into boiling water for a feast. I slyly shoved Malcom in my pocket and made my way to my room. I then found an empty pickle jar, filled most of it with water and the rest with salt, for Malcom was indeed a salt water clam. I also tossed in a strip of bacon. I didn’t know if clams ate bacon, but figured who doesn’t love bacon? I then cleverly concealed Malcom on my windowsill, hidden behind the drapes. For the next couple of days, I would take Malcom out from time to time for a visit. I quickly learned that clams are a bit on the boring side to have as a pet. They don’t fetch, can’t talk and are totally useless as home security. You never see a “Beware Of The Clam” sign when you go into a strangers yard, and it’s easy to see why. There is no other word to describe them in this manner, just useless. Now before you label me as some kind of heartless “Anti-Clamite” who is also probably a member of the Ku Klux Klam, please re-read my words of praise I stated earlier. After a couple of days of trying to bond with my pet clam, I had pretty much forgotten about him…for about a week in fact. One day I remembered Malcom and went to see how he was doing. The water was a pretty foul gray color and I couldn’t see him. I then proceeded to take off the lid, and did something that I still regret over a half a century later. I smelled the inside of the jar. When I regained consciousness and started cleaning up the broken glass and vomit that seemed to be everywhere, I located Malcom. Well, it was actually just his shell, and it was open. I like to think that perhaps Malcom somehow pulled a Clamdini and escaped the jar, hopping to freedom on his so-called “foot.” Probably not, I know. I’m pretty sure his last thoughts were, “You rescued me from a pot of boiling water…for THIS?!?! Thanks PAL!” So getting back to my container of clam strips with toenails, claws or talons, it didn’t take me long to realize that I had purchased a large order of deep fried chicken toes. Yes, they are a great favorite here and gobbled by the millions every single day. However, not by me. And that’s because I simply refuse to eat feet. I don’t care if it’s fried, broiled, or even in a nice scampi with garlic..it really doesn’t matter. I just don’t eat feet, and that’s that! I suppose it may have some advantages to it, like not needing a toothpick and such afterwards, but I still refuse to eat them. Some people are just like that, and you have to respect that. I had a black roommate for a couple of years who would never, ever eat an egg! Yet at the same time, he could kill an 8 piece bucket of fried chicken in 15 minutes or less. So I asked him about why he wouldn’t go near an egg. The answer was quite simple, “I don’t eat nothing that comes out of no chickens ass!” I was getting ready to explain that chickens don’t poop eggs, but thought the better of it. He was very passionate about this subject so I respected that and dropped it. I had a whole lot more to add to this story but as usual, I’ve gotten so far off the path of this thing that I couldn’t find my way back with GPS. I’ll just end this verbal maze for now and continue with calorie consuming in Shanghai at a later date. Dedicated to Malcom – R.I.P.
Posted on: Sun, 21 Dec 2014 10:33:00 +0000