Embracing Goodness To be fulfilled is to be filled full of the goodness of life. When I was younger, I was filled with a longing for a goodness I couldnt seem to grasp. A goodness I didn’t feel I deserved, though I couldn’t say why. Goodness seemed elusive, like a beautiful dream; one of the fantasies which sustained me. Goodness was not familiar. My mother’s sister took me to church, and when my mother died she took me in and that was good of her, but I felt more ashamed than grateful. Embarrassed my dad took off on me. Resentful my mother left before I got to know her. My cousins were good. Came from a “Good Family.” I felt somehow tainted. Defective. Burdensome. Goodness was a dazzling store window. A display I could never afford, a beauty I could not emulate. Perhaps if I had spoken of my shame it might have healed in the light, but it was buried in the closet with all my undesirable feelings. I learned to hide my discomfort at the expense of my soul, and began to hate my body for hinting at the truth. I discovered the secret to rising above disappointment: Don’t Expect Anything. From Anyone. Ever. Of course one cannot live this way . . . This is how goodness appears to me today, as I’m approaching my 57th birthday: A parent’s devotion. The delight of a well loved child. A genuine smile. Two soul’s connecting. A beautiful work of art. A fabulous sunset. My face in the soft fur of my sweet rabbits. The trust of wild swans. A loving partner. A kind stranger. A cozy home. A happy family. A thriving garden. An inspiring vision. A belief in unity. A hope for peace. Freedom to respond as the heart dictates. Laughter. Belonging. Togetherness. Contentment. Acceptance. Equanimity. Goodness is the blessing of a mighty rain, healing a parched and barren landscape; growing a Great Joy. LBM 12/30/2014
Posted on: Tue, 30 Dec 2014 16:46:56 +0000
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