Erich Fromm wrote: Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says I need you because I love you. Are words real actions? It seems like everythings been written about Love, incredible poetry, plays, songs and real life tragedy, it seems like everythings been said about Love but not everything and maybe just little has been done about Love itself and about understanding and knowing the meaning of such a powerful word and force in the universe, thats why we say that Love is Universal and has no languages. Words make love sound beautiful but actions make it real, it is complex, a mystery, but not suffering or tragedy, suffering comes from evolving or not evolving into real Love, sort of like a Love Reality Check. When you invest yourself purely into someone, that is Love, when you invest yourself into satisfying only your need to give and in many cases just to reaffirm emotional stability (ego,) that is not love. Thats greed. We can portray greed in many different forms, not only in materialistic terms, some people might say oh I did that and it didnt work anyway, but did you really? or you just thought you did? In some cases it simply doesnt work and its not your fault, sometimes, no, many times love cant be matched, so the problem is not the quality of your love but the quality of the people youre loving. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi Expectations will always break hearts: Expectation is a tricky word because as humans were naturally expectant to something, to validation, especially in the ego self centered society we live in, greed again; but after several maturing and painful experiences, and observing not just mine but other peoples experiences, Ive come to a simple conclusion, its not that we dont love, its just that we dont know how to love and of course we dont know how to be loved. We cant give to others what we cant give to ourselves, everything starts with us, by giving it to ourselves and receiving it ourselves. We tend to be closed to receive, to really receive love, not in greedy terms, but in really opening up to someone else terms, and it works in the same way with ourselves, but in the opposite way, we dont give it to ourselves, and by doing that we neutralise the person or persons we say were loving, and by neutralizing another person or persons, Love ceases to exist, because it only exists now in intention but not in real action or in real doing. Intentions are not enough, intentions need to be materialized into actions that reflect that intent, otherwise theyre useless and misleading and then turmoil happens. Pain is always useful in the long run, but not always necessary in the short run: Its not always about faults and mistakes, but all about compatibility, and suffering and bad moments or situations are symptoms of temporary or permanent incompatibility, knowing it and accepting it might not change things or end things overnight, but now you have a direction, a guide to follow, being emotionally intelligent, being intuitive, but we become stubborn and arrogant by not accepting incompatibility, we might even confuse and lie to ourselves saying that were just perseverant and that were fighting for love, and in some cases that might be true, but in most cases the intention is not driven by Love but by fear and selfishness or like I said before, greed, were fighting to win and love is not game, not an unfair game anyway. Love is the greatest mystery and at the same time its the greatest truth, but like every truth, we get hurt in the process of not accepting it such as it really is, there are many relative and different ways to love, but its principles are always the same. What are those principles? Why in the world is it so difficult to get over a broken heart? Ask yourself that question., really ask yourself that question and dont be afraid to be honest to yourself. I answered to myself In a more poetic way: A heart is a very fragile thing. Thats why we protect them so fiercely, give them away so rarely, and why it means so much when we do. Some hearts are more fragile than others. Purer somehow. Like crystal in a world of glass, and even the way they shatter is beautiful. When insecurities and fears kick in: Lots of people think that theyre so cool because theyre not involved in a relationship with anybody but themselves, especially teenagers, and mid 20s, and even 40s or 50s, some people are simply not cut to be in a relationship, at least not in a very tight relationship and thats fine and respectable, but other people dont get involved because theyre terrified of getting hurt, terrified because they think being in a relationship means losing freedom and independence. It can be if your idea of a relationship its possession, selfishness, inflexibility and rigidity. Get the opposite of those words and youll be free from the conventional idea of what a relationship is and shouldnt be. I personally feel that being in a relationship and being in love and loved back empowers us, makes us stronger, more creative, more compassionate and more aware of our place in the world and in ourselves, that place its one of those principles, when we agree to mutually give and receive, in fact I dont think theres people who only want to be loved and never give love back because by definition theyre incapable of feeling love and thats why they always want more and more, greed again, and the opposite of that its like I said at the beginning, people who just want to give and give but never know how to receive and usually turn relationships into one sided relationships where theres a pastor and theres a sheep, some controller types could fall in this category too because they feel they have the power to command because theyre the love providers, Ill call them the overlovers, they neutralise the other person and still think theyre loving them, its a sick love Equilibrium within ourselves: Personal equilibrium is essential to learn to love, by knowing what it is that makes us be or react in whatever way or person that we feel attracted to, whats the reason for the tick, its simply saying why do I like this person and why does he/she pushes my buttons or why they dont. We learn to know what makes us react and in doing so we learn to be creative instead of reactive, we tend to always react to everything, this is not only related to romantic love, its also our relationship with people in general and the planet, remember, love is not about needing someone because we want a recipient or a glass for the wine of our love so we can drink it ourselves, its about needing someone because you love them, because you feel comfortable about giving and taking, in other words, its knowing if sometimes were trying to find someone just to fill our emptiness, in which case it never works because it is nobody elses job to fulfil you, its your baggage, your responsibility, so youll never have a healthy relationship until you dont sort that baggage. Im saying and describing many things now but Love cant be taught. We can make beautiful theories to entice people to experience love themselves but its up to them, not to us, I cant love through you and you cant love through me, but I can play the role of being a loving mirror, an example, an inspiration, and by Me I mean us. Dismantling love: Love cant be turned into a mathematical formula, its not about oh is this good or not as if it is a car that you cant start. Some run from their hearts and shelter in their brains pretending rationality is the answer to everything, its not, without the hearts directions or guidance, rationality or just the mind becomes a very dangerous beast instead of a friendly and supportive companion, it becomes the master and not the servant, its all about feeling, logic will come from feelings, from equilibrium in those feelings, from not forgetting what were learning from intuitive feelings, its like starting a diet and drop it when we get tired of it, then we get fat again and we hate the diet and not the fact that it was us who abandoned the diet. More brain means less heart and more brain means less intuition, intuition literally means the voice within so when in doubt, dont doubt your intuition, that is a good way to find equilibrium and love and answers, intuitive feelings. Dont ever feel sorry for feeling Love. We often find ourselves in situations when were in conflict with ourselves for feeling things that we shouldnt be feeling or things we think we shouldnt be feeling. Some because of distorted emotions and personalities, thats another type of sick love, its the classic case of people who always fall for the wrong person, most of the times those are patterns provoked by what I just described. but others are simply struggling to find the real deal, their real deal, for those who feel, see and taste the world in a very different way in comparison to most people, we always feel like were the only ones but were not, the thing is that nobody talks about it, they prefer to keep their own private hell to themselves and live in it forever. Get out of it and youll help other do it too. Idealization: Love should never represent struggle, it is also true however that truly caring and out of the box people are hard to find, like minds are a bit difficult to find and even to match and thats when we get caught in traps of loneliness and nostalgia and idealisation starts screwing up things. We throw ourselves into relationships that barely feed our soul and needs because the levels of compatibility and perception are all low and logically disaster follows, we idealise our partners and project our needs onto them, we see what we want to see, not necessarily whats really there and since we dont see whats really there, we dont understand whats really coming from the other side and suffering and frustration follows again and again, its a sick game, its like seeing the same colour with two different tones, not all the time but most of the times. We feel frustrated and even get mad because we dont understand whats going on simply because we dont understand the person, the real person that we idealised to be different, but the worst part is that we think we do because were seeing only our reality and not the other persons reality too, thats why I said before that we should know what makes us really tick and why. All in all its just a ride to master, it is great to be in relationships but we shouldnt throw ourselves in one just because we feel lonely, its not fair for the other person and its not fair for us, we can do better. We reach the point where well only be happy and fulfilled if we find a resonant partner within ourselves and then an external resonant partner, a like mind love. Loving ourselves. We cannot give to others what we cant give to ourselves. Love starts with us, if we dont love ourselves, we wont be able to recognise the love were being given and frustration will strike again, a negative and lost heart will never give you a positive or harmonious love. I strongly advice against relationships with people with very different levels of awareness and ultimately differences about the intensity of feeling love and where we want to be in our lives with that love., but its just an experience, practice makes perfect, and tolerance, patience and compassion will sure enlighten the flame of your true Love. Its never too late to love for the first time or learn to love again. ..and always remember not to confuse intuition with fear, fear is a liar.
Posted on: Sat, 06 Dec 2014 04:21:11 +0000
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