Even in the closest of relationships each person at times needs space, that is time to be alone, time to just be. Even as a couple, we are still two individuals and to grow as a couple, we must also be permitted to grow as an individual. I believe that some people get caught up in their romantic view of a long term relationship and believe that soul mates must desire to be with each other all of the time. Often times this thought of being together every moment is perpetuated by the way we initially feel when we make that unique connection with the person whom we view as our soul mate. As a couple it is natural to desire to be with each other whenever it is possible to be together. I believe it is natural for us to desire to share our lives fully with each other and be joined at the hip. The caveat to this is that even while we have a desire to be with each other all the time, we also must understand that there are times when one person or both will need to have time to be alone. This may seem very logical to many who read this, however when one person in a relationship tells the other person that they need to be alone, the other person often feels offended. The offended person’s ego gets in the way, they often feel hurt. They may become concerned as to why the person who they desire with all of their soul has a need to be alone. They ask themselves, what could they have done wrong. Why does he/she not want to be with me right now? If she/he is upset, why doesn’t he/she want me to be with them? Why are they shutting me out? Often times when one half of a couple states that they need to be left alone, it has nothing to do with the other half of the couple. The person does not need to be left alone because of what the other one has said or done. It has nothing to do with how much they love you. Matter of fact, it probably has nothing to do with you at all. Sometimes we simply need to be alone to sort things out, whatever those things are. Unfortunately, this is not what the other person sees when they hear from the one they love that they want to be left alone for a while. Their ego gets bruised and they take the other persons need to be alone as an affront to them and in doing so, insist on not allowing the other person to have some space without first grilling them as to why they need their space. This grilling in turn upsets the person who needs space and creates a bigger problem then first existed which often escalates into a disagreement, hurt feelings, etc. Not allowing another person to have their space is often spurred by insecurity. This insecurity is a by-product of the ego. Our ego loves to be control and the moment it is not in control, our ego begins to fabricate all kinds of thoughts and feelings that are not healthy, such as resentment, jealousy, etc. When our significant other expresses that he/she needs some space, needs some alone time, the loving thing to do is to back off and permit that alone time. We must allow the person whom we love so dearly to have the time they need with the understanding that their need to be alone is not a personal attack against us. When we allow this alone time from a state of love, then we do not feel threatened by it and the other person does not feel guilty for needing to have alone time. This allows the alone time to be a positive experience for each person in the relationship which in the end will serve to strengthen the relationships rather than diminish it. So... what do you think?
Posted on: Fri, 01 Nov 2013 06:19:12 +0000
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