Every now and then I connect with God. Sometimes I pluck up the courage to really get `up close and personal`... allowing myself to open up to having a kind of `one-on-one` moment, where I let myself be seen and find the bravery to be very direct with Him. Its kind of like having a personal, private meeting, where all of the `safer` go-betweens (you know, Holy Spirit, Jesus, angels, etc) step aside and you just go in for a direct connection. This used to bring up so much fear, which is less now, but still present. When I really get down to directly communicating with God it can really highlight a lot of resistance in my mind, all of which is unfounded, but in which I still believe. I basically attempt to put aside any sense of separation, which also means distance, between me and God, so that I recognize and admit that God is `right here` where I am. And if I start out asking like `God, where are you?` His answer shortly after is often something like `right here` or `where you are`. And since Holy Spirit is the Voice for God, and speaks readily, maybe I am not convinced that this is actually God talking. But Holy Spirit is an extension of God and does speak `as if` God, on His behalf, even framed in such a way as to be what God Himself would say if I were really talking to Him. So then, within myself, I get very direct and what sort of feels like.. confrontational... because I have to muster quite a lot of balls to get close to Him... and it takes for me to find extra courage/bravery to do this... so then I feel sort of like Im standing in front of this huge power that is aware of me, and feel very exposed... but in that exposing of myself there is a lot of awareness, and presence, and willingness to actually connect. Im sure at some point my fear-driven defensiveness will lessen and it will feel less like being in the hotseat, almost ready to run away at 100 miles an hour, and more like a peaceful abiding... but not yet ;-) All by itself, this simple `communing` can be reassuring, and this morning I woke feeling quite happy as a result. And Ive also noticed that in having a very direct, intimate presence with God, I will quite often feel an always unexpected but always welcome sense of a really delicious wave of lovely sensations.. .love, reassurance, security, safety, it really feels so wonderful when I sense it. And usually it seems God is fully willing to share that, if I will open up and let myself receive it. It seems easy to talk about `figures` like Jesus or Holy Spirit or angels, talking to them as if people or personalities, and how they are relatable etc... but God is sort of mysterious, in that He is the most `important` of all, and yet just seems to hang in the background the most unacknowledged. What about talking straight to God, or communing directly with Him, or being in His presence, with all the other `safe` personas put aside? This seems to be what we really want to get to. So anyway... just sharing this... not really making a point as such. God loves you.
Posted on: Tue, 02 Dec 2014 16:11:26 +0000
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