Every person finds a subject that s/he is most interested in...My subject is relationships - be it relationship with self, with others, with health, with career, with environment, with things, or with money. Of late, the primary or the love relationship has become my focus of attention...and that has taught me a thing or two - as always. I have learnt that when two people are in love, their hearts are open and vulnerable. Hence, they become very sensitive and get hurt easily - measuring every perceived slight or stimulation on the dual scale of loves me - loves me not. However, we dont usually express our hurts (or the cause there of) for we do not want to hurt the one we love. Thus starts the process of swallowing/ denying /suppressing /brushing under the carpet/ or trying to forget and forgive our hurts. But the perceived hurts continue because they have more to do with our own self-perception/ self-worth/ self-image/ and self-esteem. In order to avoid the hurts (and the intense pain that they cause), we begin to create protective barriers around our heart. These barriers lessen the impact of the hurts but also disallow the in and out flow of love. So, while we continue to love our beloved, s/he cant receive the full flow of our love and we cant receive the full flow of their love. After sometime, both start feeling this lack of love and get hurt - erecting fresh barriers and reinforcing the protection. Gradually, this protection becomes our prison....and even though the key to the prison lies in our hands, we feel like a prisoner - the victim and the wronged; effectively making our beloved the perpetrator, the prison warden, and the wrongdoer. Now the love is experienced as resistance, rebellion, judgment, criticism, warped humour (root cause of all husband-wife jokes), disgust and hate. This becomes a vicious cycle for what we give out comes back to us. Soon the partnership becomes loveless and unexciting and we begin to look for that love and excitement elsewhere.....and since most people are looking for it outside their nests, it is not difficult to find other lost souls who begin to fulfill our emotional needs. And it all feels hunky-dory. There is someone at home - in the physical comfort zone; and there is someone out there - in the emotional comfort zone. And this arrangement works for many out there, until one of the comfort zones becomes uncomfortable. I believe that any situation can be salvaged through honest heart-to-heart communication; but this heart-to-heart communication cannot happen as long as there are barriers/ walls of protection around the heart vis-a-vis that person. (ironically, the closer the relationship, more is the love and more are the walls/barriers of protection.) The solution lies in breaking these walls open and clearing the barriers. But that is a very courageous thing to do and it demands a great deal of TRUST in our ability to withstand hurts and the other persons ability to be sensitive to our pain. The latter is very very hard because it was a lack of trust in this very sensitivity which made us look for protection in the first place. I have learnt that surrender to a higher power or the LARGER PLAN goes a long way in developing this trust; along with the determination to take every action in love, with love and for love. When we decide to wear our heart on our sleeve; when we decide to not build any more barriers around our heart - come what may; when we decide to clearly communicate our needs and our hurts as soon as the need/ hurt arises; when we become clear that love is all that we want and will not compromise on that - the life takes an interesting turn. Either the partner will not be able to take this new (overwhelmingly frightening) proposition - which means that s/he is either in a space of fear and apprehension OR simply not ready, willing or capable of giving and receiving unconditional love. In such a scenario, the partnership will break for the good of both. In the other scenario, the partner too will find VALUE in breaking open the barriers, letting down the guard, communicating from the heart, and allowing the very essence of our being - the unconditional love - to flow back and forth unimpeded, unhindered....forever and ever. It will be forever if both have learnt their lessons well......
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 04:58:42 +0000
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