Everyone has been asking for my fathers Eulogy, here you go... XO Former Virginia Congressman, John Randolph once said Time is at once the most valuable and most perishable of all our possessions. I find myself speechless at how a moment, coupled with very poignant words can have the power to change your entire life and your own personal pursuit of happiness. As the years progress; anger and guilt grow within us, restraining us from either facing our mistakes or forgiving others for their own. It is disheartening that we put off apologizing and making amends until time no longer offers the luxury. Held back for so long that we give up all hope that we are deserving of forgiveness from one another. Often we procrastinate on these necessary evils, for the maintenance of our hearts and souls until its too late... Fortunately my father realized this truth in the last of his days. However few may have remained, he made it a point to reached out to my brother and I before it was too late. As for Christie, I pray that hes already given her peace and closure in heaven. I wish that I could talk of the normal things the one might reminisce of in memorium at a funeral, but unfortunately our relationship wasnt exactly normal. He had said to me a few days before he passed, Tonya…Im sorry, Im abnormal..but I love you. That was the first time in 14 or more years that I had heard my fathers voice speak those three little words every little girl dreams of hearing. I Love You! Needless to say, I told him I loved him too, that none of us are normal. A warm smile graced my lips as I felt a huge weight was lifted from my heart. Procrastination is the thief of time…(Edward Young) and undoubtedly robbed my sister, brother and myself of time spent with our father. No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again(Buddha). Even in the midst of his illness and pain, he knew he had to make things right, a decision I will be forever grateful that he made. And after the years of his absence, that one phone call and a weekend visit was the best gifts bestowed upon me. It was such a blessing to have the opportunity to hear his voice on the phone and be in his presence even if only for a finite amount of time...to be able to tell him face to face that I always have, and always will love him. To tell him that I forgive him, to hold his hand, cuddle up next to him and lay my head on his shoulder like I used to as a little girl... one last time. Being close to him took me back to a happier time; back to when I was a daddys little girl. Back to when he was the strongest, coolest, most intelligent person I knew and he could do no wrong...and that is how I will always remember him. As if the years between then and now never even existed. Ill remember his contagious smile, his magnetic personality and his joking ways. Ill remember riding around with him in his metallic blue LeMans convertible with the top down feeling like his little princess. And the night he blindfolded us when he picked us up after work to take us home then took the blindfolds off to reveal a pony and a horse in our yard. Every little girl asks for a pony at some point in their childhood...but I actually got one! Ill remember sitting on his lap as he explained to me that I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. Ill always remember how proud he was of me and how brave he said I was when I volunteered to ride the shockwave with him when everyone else (myself included) was afraid. I also remember always being the first and usually the only person to fearlessly volunteer for any and all of the insane adventures he often suggested just to impress him. Although the mistakes he made were big, all the small stuff that he did left a far bigger impression. There are pieces of him that live on in me and define the woman that I am today. He taught me how to saddle, ride and care for a horse, how to dig up sand crabs at the beach, find and pick up mussels with my toes, kill AND care for snakes, catch crawfish in the creek and fireflies in the night. How to drive a 4 wheeler (often into trees), how to fly a kite (often into trees) how to play putt-putt golf (where Id often hit my ball so hard it ended up in the trees) and even how to shoot a BB gun which sent my brothers running for the trees. He was a good dad who would do anything to make me smile...one of my favorites was when he would trade me a dollar for my nickels and I thought I was so rich! It takes a strong person to apologize and and even stronger one to forgive.Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness. Thankfully, this past weekend my dad set me free from chains I have been wearing for far too many years and in turn God has set him free from the chains of guilt that he had been wearing too. Chains that I am sure caused him far more pain emotionally than any disease could impair him physically and I personally would like to believe that after we spent this little time together, that he got the peace that he was looking for and his emotional pain was then alleviated which let him finally get what he has been searching for and allowed him to let go and be at eternal peace. I believe that everything happens for a reason and at exactly the right time and although I said goodbye to him, I will always have him within me and watching over me as I continue on my journey of life. Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Everything remains as it was. The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no sorrow in your tone. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.
Posted on: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 11:17:09 +0000
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