Excerpt from Whispers from Heaven These words are almost 15 years old and I am not in the same place but I share my words for those who are now in that same place.. Two worlds The key to moving on after losing your child to death is all about learning how to live in two worlds at the same time. This takes time and a lot of practice and patience. The part that is so hard is to find balance between the two worlds. You have to be careful not to spend too much time in one world or the other. I am just learning how to find balance in both these worlds. I am not sure when it happened, it just did. I can tell you this though; it did not happen over night. It was through a lot of hard work and what I mean when I say that is just this. It is hard grief work. Believe me grief work is hard stuff and very tiring and mentally exhausting. I can tell you that first hand. The most important thing you have to do in grief work is be true to the experience. You have to honor where you are at, at all times. And what I mean by that is simply this. If you are having a bad day, just know that is what it is. A bad day that is all. Sometimes it is just what it is. You must be true to your feelings and express them. You cannot at this time, worry about the rest of the world, just be right where you are. You will only stay there as long as you need to. Remember this is your experience and no one else’ after all this is your child we are talking about. No one had the relationship you did with your child. If I do anything with my book, the biggest point I want to get across is how the rest of the world has to back off and let us alone, (the grieving parent) when it come to grieving our children. If they could for one second see themselves in our shoes, they might understand how it feels to move on in a world that has no room for our children. Our children live in the other world we have made for them. A secret world filled with them. In this place we hold on to their laughter and see their tears. We hear them calling us mommy and can almost smell them. It is a sacred place. It is where shrines are made and reality has no ground to stand. Who wants reality in this place? We already have it in the other world we are forced to live in. The world that has no more tomorrows for our children and that is enough reality for me. I can see how some of us never get to this place. It is so easy not to want to move or go on, as the world would put it. There are days when I feel myself back stepping and I know when I am doing it. The difference for me now is, I tell myself it is all right and I stay there as long as I want to. I do not allow anyone to pressure me out of there. I will come out when I am ready and when I do I am usually in a better place because I did just that. These are things you can only learn from the process of grief and time. This is what causes the healing to begin. It has to come from you and not from people’s good intentions of trying to help you move on. It does not do you or them any good unless it comes from you alone. I often think how I wish I could have learned all this stuff without having to pay such a high price, or I should say Ryan having to pay the price. I know I am a different person now. I do not think like I use to at all. Ryan’s death took with it many things. It took the old me and replaced it with this person I am trying so hard to get to know. I am learning about her everyday. I think I could really get to like her if I would just let her in and find a place, a place she can call home. A place where Ryan lives on and will never leave. It is just a matter of me understanding the bigger picture. I know someday I will, but for today, I just want to stay here a little longer. It is not my time yet. https://facebook/pages/Whispers-from-Heaven/604565892890783 link to my book bookstore.balboapress/Products/SKU-000651550/Whispers-from-Heaven.aspx
Posted on: Thu, 12 Jun 2014 11:44:46 +0000
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