Excerpts from My Journal:Action Signals......( cont). (3) Hurt : feelings of hurt are usually generated by a sense of loss - hurt people usually lash out at others. The Message: the message the hurt signal gives us is that we have the expectation that has not been met, e.g when we have expected some one to keep their word and they did not ; you feel a loss of intimacy with this person, loss of Trust this feeling creates hurt. Solution: (1) Realize that in reality you may not have lost anything.May be what you need to lose is the false perception; that this person is trying to wound or hurt you, may be they do not realize the impact of their actions on your life. (2) Ask Yourself Is there really a loss here ? Or am I judging this situation too soon or harshly..... (3) To help you out of hurt elegantly and appropriately communicate your feeling of loss to the person involved,( tell them.) If the hurt is not dealt with satisfactorily it will often become amplified into anger. (4) Angry emotions include every thing from mild irritation to be angry ,resentful,furious and enraged. The Message....of anger is that an important rule or standard you hold for your life has been violated by some one else, or may be even by you. When you have the emotion anger you an literally change this emotion instantly. Solution: (1) Realize you may have misinterpreted the situation - that your anger based on this person knows whats most important to you,(even though you believe they should.) (2) Realize that even that person did violate one of your standards- your rules are not necessarily right even though you feel strongly about them ..... (3) Ask yourself more empowering questions..... Is it true this person really cares about me? Interrupt your anger by asking what can I learn from this? How can I communicate my standards to this person in a way causes them to want help me and not violate my standards again in future? e.g If you are angry change your perception - change your procedure finally change your behavior tell people up front. For many people consistent anger or failure of being able to meet their standards and rules leads to Frustration. Going to London for Frontier Training Play to Win, up at 3.30am to catch the bus.No more journal until Monday. Will be taking a few of my books with me , ten pounds each,save on postage and packaging.
Posted on: Thu, 06 Mar 2014 07:38:08 +0000
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