Exciting news has aroused the minds of our young liberal youth this past week. Scientists have finally discovered the gene for the Hipster. Before this recent discovery, many sociologists just believed that this pangy behaviour occurred primarily through societal influences and mutual interests between people, such as watching black and white films, using irony and sarcasm as a means to get laid and sticking gerbils up said other hipsters assholes. But this surprising new study conducted by Dr. Jock Straight-man and his team at Important University have found that hipster-dom is actually a hereditary disease that effects many thousands of people, especially white middle class youth. This same gene is also believed to be responsible for other such traits as a sickly love of tight genes, an extreme allergy to soap and a complete dismissal of capitalism, going so far as to call it “shit”, quote un quote. Though some child psychologists such as Dr. O’Really think that hipsters do actually accept and secretly enjoy living in a first world capitalist society. He believes that hipsters just pretend to dismiss capitalism as something, quote un quote “real shit”, as an ironic statement. In fact, he goes so far as to say that hipsters need to put ironic statements such as these into practice in order for hipsterdom to continue, at least until David Lynch tells them “No. Stop now”. Scientists are still debating as to why the practice of irony is so essential to the Hipster way of life. Though, most of them agree that it is something to do with the belief that gerbils are the most ironic of all animals in the animal kingdom, and shoving them up ones anal cavity is the fastest way to embody the gerbil essence. - Tom Peters
Posted on: Fri, 23 Aug 2013 01:20:54 +0000