FALSE ASSUMPTIONS, Chapter 9, Guilt and Shame Are Good For Me, part B A second problem with letting our conscience and feelings of guilt guide us is a confusion over false guilt and godly sorrow. False guilt is not a sense of our guilt before a holy God and realizing our need for salvation. It is a feeling of “badness”, a feeling of worthlessness, and accepting anything as deserved punishment. It is self-centered, does not move us forward in relationships but rather into hiding. Paul characterizes godly sorrow in 2 Corinthians 7:9-11 as caring about the pain we have caused and that it has hurt others (empathy), about whom we care. 9 Now I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because your grief led to repentance. For you were grieved as God willed, so that you didn’t experience any loss from us. 10 For godly grief produces a repentance not to be regretted and leading to salvation, but worldly grief produces death. 11 For consider how much diligence this very thing—this grieving as God wills—has produced in you: what a desire to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what deep longing, what zeal, what justice! In every way you showed yourselves to be pure in this matter. “Godly remorse seeks to heal, to make restitution to those we’ve hurt. Reconciliation and relationship are the goals. To the contrary, guilt seeks self-justification. It attempts to get rid of the bad feelings.” “The next time you miss the mark, search your emotional response. If it centers on how bad you are, your emotions are the sorrow of the world. But if your response centers on loving your neighbor as yourself, it is likely to be the sorrow of God. Unlike godly sorrow, guilt holds us back from two highly desirable objects. First, guilt prevents love. Those who are preoccupied with their guilt may look loving, but when you try to talk with them, they are absorbed with their own pain. They work harder trying to get rid of their own guilt feelings more than they work at feeling the pain of others.” “Guilt-motivated people are afraid to love. They give of themselves under compulsion rather than cheerfully ( 2 Corinthians 9:7).” “Second, guilt prevents spiritual and emotional growth.” This can be because of the following: “Guilt-ridden people are afraid of being themselves because they fear further condemnation” Sometimes this is demonstrated by a person needing help feeding the right words and responses back to someone who is trying to help them, giving the impression that they are getting better, all the while, just being closed and phony. “Guilt-ridden people are emotionally under the law.” The inability to fulfill the Law fuels the feelings of imperfection and unworthiness, creating a cycle of failure and frustration, futility and fear. “Guilt-ridden people are more concerned about being good and sin-free ( an impossibility in itself) than about being well. They focus on the questions, Am I being good? Am I sinning? Am I being bad? Instead of on the questions, Am I connecting deeply to others? Am I being truthful? Am I learning from my mistakes? When we focus on being good, we move into self-absorption and a compulsion to keep the rules- and we move away from closeness, intimacy, and relationship with God and others. You won’t open up to someone holding a baseball bat over your head.” The Father is calling for those to come into relationship with Him. Our Lord took the penalty and condemnation of our sin so that would be possible. We do not need to live in guilt and shame.
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 10:10:26 +0000
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