FAT MAN V THE MOUNTAIN – BAG PACKED Oh what a week it has been. Since the world premiere of Broke Back Hill (No Cure For Softness), I can’t walk out of my house without paparazzi following my every move. I have been mobbed / assaulted continuously in the street. I got a phone call from The Sun Newspaper claiming they are going to run an expose on Sunday about me, some Guatemalan Pygmy, lumpy custard and a Spoon. The matter is with my solicitor. By the way, she was from Honduras. Luckily, it is all coming to a conclusion soon, and you will no longer have to put up with my ramblings. Within a week, I will have waddled off into the yonder (I love that word), never to darken the pages of Facebook again (They are threatening to disable my account). With all the ramifications of my current legal dispute with Facebook, I am unable to comment on said legal action at this time. Once a settlement for damages against my good name is forthcoming, I will be truly vindicated. I started packing 3 weeks ago for my trip into the outer reaches of Mayo and have just completed this task. 3 Slabs of Carlsberg – Check 3 Slabs of Guinness – Check 3 Slabs of Bulmers - Check 10 Cartons of Major – Check 10 Cigarette Lighters – Check (Don’t forget the f*****g lighters – Note to self) Tent – Check Sleeping Bag – Check Oxygen Tank – Check Air Ambulance Number - Check Number of Undertaker – Check Will Updated - Check That’s all I will be needing. I have dispensed with the idea of clothing as I intend to climb naked and be one with nature. People tell me it is best to obtain some form of walking aid whilst at the base of the mountain. Something in the form of a stick. The cost of this said stick is allegedly €1.50 rental or €3 outright purchase (You get to keep it). This somewhat excessive pricing structure has led me to compromise. I have rummaged through my old schoolbag and have managed to find my school ruler from 5th class. It’s made of wood too. This will suffice. I may have to bend over slightly to utilise this device, but you can’t have it both ways. The plan is to start climbing @ 9am on Saturday and hopefully reach the top around 4pm the following Wednesday. I don’t want to rush things as I am a finely tuned athlete and need to pace myself accordingly. The descent should only take 3 days, so I hope to be back in Boyle on the Saturday where a ticker tape parade has been planned for my triumphant return. We are now T minus 60 hours until lift off and I encourage everybody, and that means everybody to support Jack and Jill. I have included the link again. Alternatively, you can give me the money direct or drop it into The Railway Bar. This is the entire purpose of the posts and the video. NEXT – DEVINE INTERVENTION
Posted on: Wed, 08 Oct 2014 18:07:24 +0000
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