FEAR or TRUST? Looks like my mother is close to buying a house two doors away from this Retreat Center where I live and work! The one person I have unconsciously put alot of distance between! In so many ways, according to my Mind, she is my Nemesis...the root cause of my whole or holed Personality. I am observing my Mind who often goes into shut-down as soon as she starts talking... which can take days to end. Then I bring myself out of the story and know fully that even this situation has a Higher Purpose - something really important for me to experience. ...and then my Mind starts freaking. Feel how much I have felt invaded by my mother all my life. Feel how in defence my Mind goes numb, I start to shrink and my breathing becomes shallow... But Essence brings me back. I can take another deep and beautiful breath. Can see the beauty in the Karmic Circle of my Mother and I spending more time together and how my healing my relationship to her can heal my relationship to The Divine Feminine in the form of my relationship to women and how it could heal the relationship between my own Inner Feminine and Inner Masculine. ...and then my Mind starts reasoning how this is exactly the type of person, my Mother and other loud and invasive people I have spent my life avoiding, getting away from. My Super Ego demanding that I stand up for myself, set brick-walled boundaries and man the fortifications. What am I a Mummies Boy... Another deep breath from Higher Self and relaxing in my whole body. Turning and embracing my Mother. Thanking her for all she has selflessly given to me all my life. I can then feel compassion, understanding and even love. My dear sweet protective Mind wants me, out of FEAR to get her away from me. My dear sweet Passion of Heart asks me to breathe and to simply Trust. Trust The Divine who has never ever let me down and has always given me what I truly Need. I have asked, these last few years whenever in circle for The Deepest Truth I can handle and the ability to live it Well... ...FEAR or TRUST? The deepest TRUST (knowing FEAR will keep showing up, to force me to look and choose again...)
Posted on: Sat, 24 Jan 2015 09:45:47 +0000
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