FROM: FATHER TO: ALL DEPENDANTS & RELATIVES CC: MOTHER RE: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT ATTENTION Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going to be accepted. 1. The kitchen and all pantries are declared restricted zone. Entry and or passage shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request. 2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed. 3. Food items such rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are restricted. Any one intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to me in triplicate with 3 days notice giving justification backed by a qualified dietician report as supportive documentation. 4. Watering of horses is banned. Only food giving plants shall be watered. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. For internal decoration only plastic and dry flower arrangements shall be permitted. 5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons. 6. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all night guard duty roaster I shall make available shortly. 7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them. 8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police or court bailiffs. Doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from the house. 9. Any body who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in the house shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s). 10. All visitors iontending to spend a night or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice with an endorsement from their town mayor, village chairperson, church priest or village imam giving convincing reasons why they cannot stay at their houses. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away at the gate upon arrival. These rules are bidding and not subject to any discussion whatsoever.
Posted on: Sun, 19 Jan 2014 06:51:00 +0000
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