FROM THE GOZ ARCHIVES: Moral: Never mock the afflicted - model them...an NLP experiment, of sorts. I used to hate travelling with the general public - shoulder-based territory disputes across undersized seats, overloud Walkmans in the days before mp3 players and rowdy drunks, for a start. And, as Agent Smith observedfrom the Matrix, the smell... I probably still hate travelling with the public, except now I drive a car. Back in the day, the compartment next to the First Class carriage toilet was bizarrely designated standard class, which few knew about; so I took advantage of this obscure throwback of British Rail arcana, whenever I travelled Egham to London Waterloo. Coveting my first class experience for beer money, I usually got on first and pretended to be special - and throw myself against the window and goof around, pretending to be Renfield from Dracula. a The result? A hammed-up, student over-the-top production, with a bit of demonic possession and Biggus Dickus from The Life of Brian thrown in for good measure. And it worked a treat for years until this one occasion, when a woman, intrigued by my antics, made a bee-line for the carriage. Normally, I only had to perform my pantomime for a few seconds as passengers hurried past the carriage door. Now, stuck with this woman, I had to avoid being accused of mocking the afflicted, as political correctness was in full swing. My intention had never been to mock; merely to have some sane-time in a compartment on my own... A good hour of remaining in character ensued, where Ben Stillers Simple Jack from Tropic Thunder had nothing on me, that day. Worse still, she befriended me, bloody do-gooder and the temptation to burst out laughing reached Biggus Dickus proportions, a FInally, I crawled off at Egham station, exhausted. This social worker from Reading, had wrung me dry. I dropped the ruse subsequently and became normal and suffered Londoners like every other Londoner. Its what London does to you....
Posted on: Sun, 08 Jun 2014 10:09:28 +0000
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