FUG MADNESS ROUND 3 UPDATE! Mis companeros: Round 3 is over. The Sweet 16 has become the Elite 8. As we enter the final week of our tournament, something interesting has happened. What started out as one of the most confusing Fug Madness tournaments I have ever experienced has transformed into something oddly predictable. And by “predictable” I mean, we as a group actually predicted it. Consider: out of 34 players, 29 of us still have our Final Fugger in the race. That is legitimately surprising to me. Of course, that figure is helped by the fact that 2014’s Twin Pillars of Fug Doom, Miley Cyrus and Kim Kardashian, were backed by nearly everyone up until the bitter end. But given the crazy goings-on in the early rounds, I think it’s amazing that as of this point, everyone in the pool still has at least one pick left in their Final 4. Here is how everything stands after Round 3: CHER BRACKET Miley whooped that trick Kristen Stewart’s ass, giving everyone four points…except Paul Allen. He was the sole person to ship KStew, Mistress of Stankface. Because of that, he was also the only person to end up with a totally dead Cher Bracket by the end of this round. The bottom half of the bracket was much less predictable – many of us expected Jennifer Lawrence to still be in the game at this point – but Madonna cruised to an easy victory of Sarah Paulson. Perhaps Sarah can use this experience for an upcoming season of “American Horror Story” in which she is terrorized by the various incarnations of Madge from the past 30 years. (I like where this is going. Cone Titty Madonna could be the new Rubber Man. Gollum Arm Madonna could be the new Bloody Face. Ryan Murphy: call me. I will be unemployed in about two weeks. We can work something out.) A whole bunch of people had perfect Cher Brackets this round, including: Mary Kokinda, Christine Kubarycz, Kara Austin, Becka Rafferty, Jaime Scheres, Nancy Burkhardt, Ashley Murawski, Jenna Lay, Joelle Boedecker, and Anna McCabe. Bully for you, ladies! MADONNA BRACKET Keeping the horror theme going, Lady Gaga continued her rampage by stomping out Jaden Smith. The interesting thing is, this was much closer than expected. So Gaga’s fug might may be waning. Who among us is brave enough to take this opportunity to drive the stake through her heart? I’m just kidding; that won’t work. Gaga feeds on fame, not blood. (Actually, she may feed on both.) In the Battles of the Jessicas, Jessie J. won out over Jessica White, which was good news for almost every member of our voting pool…except for Matt DeTurck and Mary Kokinda. Accordingly, they both have totally dead Madonna Brackets as of this round. So do the following players: Christine Kubarycz, Kara Austin, Jessica Wilkie, Kate Racculia, Carrie Simison, Jaime Scheres, Nancy Burkhardt, Ashley Murawski, Matt Austin, Chelsea Flint, Paul Allen, Joelle Boedecker, Matt DeTurck, and Adam Lubitow. On the flip side, six people had perfect Round 3 Madonna Brackets. Congratulate publicly, and fling shit at privately, the following: Lee Iannone, Jeremy Moule, Dan Kingsley, Aubrey Berardini, Mark Chamberlin, and Kathy Laluk. BJORK BRACKET The Bjork Bracket continues to be the most predictable area of this year’s tournament, with Kim Kardashian easily obliterating Ellie Goulding and Rita Ora finally snuffing out 2012 Fug Madness Champ Vanessa Hudgens. Only one person voted for Ellie this round (Todd Rezsnyak, you are an asshole), and literally no one had Vanessa on their brackets at this point. So it was a good round for our pool overall. Except for Todd, who is now the only person with a totally dead Bjork Bracket. I like to think that this is what it looked like when Bjork finished Todd off: https://youtube/watch?v=HsyTyTiOMlo People with perfect Bjork Brackets this round include: me, Stacey Rowe, Lee Iannone, Kara Austin, Kate Racculia, Dan Kingsley, Bernie Banke, Michael Gamilla, Jaime Scheres, Ashley Murawski, Matt Austin, Kathy Laluk, Joelle Boedecker, Anna McCabe, Matt DeTurck, and Adam Lubitow. CHARO BRACKET Once again Rihanna captured only 70 percent of the vote against Zosia Mamet, but it was enough to keep RiRi in the running and send Sad Mamet home. Paula Patton is officially the Cinderella story of Fug Madness 2014 as she triumphed over Katy Perry. Only eight of us had Paula advancing to Elite 8. I’m guessing the rest of you didn’t watch the Golden Globes. Nobody’s Charo Bracket died this round – although several of you shit the Charo bed previously – and four people scored perfect brackets: me, Stacey Rowe, John Hutchings, and Kathy Laluk. Speaking of Kathy, sister killed in Round 3, getting 7 of 8 bouts right for a whopping 28 points this round alone (correct Round 3 guesses were worth 4 points apiece; Round 4 matches will net you 8 points). That rocketed Kathy up the rankings. Funny thing about Kathy’s bracket: I watched her fill it out in the course of 15 minutes of blind guessing and a few well-placed coin tosses. That is some “Sliding Doors” shit! Here are the current standings: Jeremy Moule: 78 Eric Rezsnyak: 70 Stacey Rowe: 70 Lee Iannone: 66 Dan Kingsley: 63 Kathy Laluk: 63 Jess Aberle: 61 Michael Gamilla: 59 Joelle Boedecker: 59 Ashley Murawski: 57 Jenna Lay: 57 Nancy Burkhardt: 56 Anna McCabe: 55 Christine Kubarycz: 55 Jaime Scheres: 55 Bernie Banke: 54 Aubrey Berardini: 54 Mark Chamberlin: 54 Chelsea Flint: 54 John Hutchings: 53 Adam Lubitow: 53 Nicole Milano: 52 Carrie Simison: 52 Mary Kokinda: 52 Kara Austin: 52 Becka Rafferty: 50 Matt Marshall: 50 Matt Austin: 48 Molly Miles: 46 Matt DeTurck: 44 Todd Rezsnyak: 44 Jessica Wilkie: 39 Kate Racculia: 39 Paula Allen: 29 Again, it is remarkable that going into Round 4 every single member of the pool is still in this game. I don’t think that has ever happened before. Barring a miracle, that streak will end next round (I’m sorry, Mary – I don’t see Madonna taking out Miley). And come Final 2, current game leader Jeremy Moule – ahead by only 8 points -- is likely be in a world of hurt, as he bet against both Miley AND Kim. Sharpen your claws, kittens. The bird is plummeting to the ground. Who will pounce first? Round 4 voting begins Monday at noon.
Posted on: Sat, 29 Mar 2014 19:17:33 +0000
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