Faith Week Day 2: Hurt by Christina Aguilera Sorry for the late entry for the second day. Ive been cleaning and cleaning all day long. I tried to work this in earlier, but never got to actually sit down to do it until now. The very last time I saw my sister was at my son Jeremys third birthday party. To be honest, Im not sure if I remember her walking out the door with my mom and dad, or if I even actually said good bye. The fact that I cant even remember that haunts me. And so it seems fitting that every single time Ive heard this song since my sisters passing, I completely lose it. Both inside, and outside... Its one of those songs that sums up the notion that death is the final goodbye in our mortal world. No more seeing your loved one, or hearing them over the phone. No more cards in the mail, or even new pictures to see. Theyre just gone. This song really buries that hatchet deep in my heart every time because I always recollect on the times I feel that I failed my sister as a means of support. For every time I was able to help Faith through a rough patch, or a complete mental breakdown, there was always another time when I wasnt there for her either because of prior commitments, or because(and I REALLY REALLY HATE admitting this) I just couldnt be bothered with what she was freaking out over due to my growing late teenage social life, or whatever else I had going on when she needed me. There are always the people who tell me that Im being to hard on myself, and to an extent I agree; but theres always going to be a part of me that HATES myself for not being there when she needed me. We all go through this kind of regret when losing family, but knowing that a multitude of others have felt this way, never makes me feel any less of an asshole for blowing her off when I did. All the what ifs and should haves always come flying back into my mind at any given time when standing at her grave, or even just thinking about her in day to day life. I know I helped where I could, and when I could; but I always have this hollow feeling inside that I couldve done so much more to help her. The stone cold truth of it is, that I would give just about anything to see and hug to my sister again. Even just for an hour. Just to tell her how sorry I am for all the times I blew her off, or was rotten to her. All of that lost time just eats away at my soul, and its one of those things about dealing with death that NEVER gets any easier for me. If there is anything at all you can take away from this entry today, or this song; its that you should cherish the time youve got with those you love. One day they will be gone, and if you dont get to say a final I love you, or at least good bye, I promise it will eat away at you, and it will hurt more than almost any physical pain in existence. Im sorry, Faith. Im sorry for failing you. Im sorry for hurting you. Im sorry for all the times I wasnt there. Im sorry, and I love you. I can only hope that you can forgive my failures. Five days to go, sis. Youre almost thirty five!
Posted on: Wed, 26 Nov 2014 04:29:05 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015