Families Family members ask us how they should treat a loved one who’s had a suicide attempt. We’ve started compiling readers’ advice here, and your thoughts are welcome. Just send them in. Each person’s advice begins in bold. Another resource is this guide, “After an attempt: The emotional impact of a suicide attempt on families,” by public speaker and attempt survivor Heidi Bryan. My mum cried and my dad screamed at me, telling me I should be put into a mental institute. This exactly isn’t something to say to someone suffering from self-harm. If you want to help someone who self-harms, sit them down over a cup of coffee or their favourite type of cake or something you know they’ll feel comfortable with. Tell them you love them and you want to help. Don’t try and force them to talk, but let them know you’re there for them and there are MANY other ways to let the pain out. I think the worst part is seeing how scared everyone is to be around you. Some of my best friends treated me exactly the same as they always had. I really needed that. They expressed love, and asked questions, which I was happy to answer. They visited me in the hospital, and through their actions I realized that I was really loved. We packed my hospital room with people, and the day was filled with laughter. Walking in, a stranger probably wouldn’t know why I was there. I needed that day to give me motivation to get better. I needed it so bad. Knowing people are there, that they care, that they want you around, is really important. But trapping you, pestering you to say things you don’t want to (e.g. how are you feeling, why did you cut yourself, basically repeating it and not giving you privacy, wanting you to know what they should do) has the opposite effect, and just makes you get used to lying to them. … Being distracted is quite effective, not being left alone but not forced to interact. Just one more meal, just a movie can be really good at shifting moods. Especially if something is fun, it can distract you from the thoughts of what you are going to do to die, you can say, “Well, maybe everything isn’t totally bad and it can be OK for a little bit longer. It is a lot easier to be distracted like that by a friend or just someone else, something unpredictable, something to get you out of the daze of hating or just not caring about everything. I know that with my attempt, I didn’t appreciate people telling me things they normally wouldn’t have. Like saying “I love you” constantly, when normally that wouldn’t have been brought up at all. It made me feel like they only loved me because I attempted. I also didn’t enjoy all the attention I got. I guess, in a way, I would have preferred some things to remain normal, some things to get better and maybe some conversation about what I had done. Not in a “making me feel guilty” way, or making me feel like a child. Just understanding. I know that I wouldn’t like to be told I’m stupid, that I should have thought of my family. I wouldn’t like to have all the bad things I’ve done brought up. I guess all I can say, is treat me the way you would like to be treated. Be kind, normal and understanding. That’s what would have helped me. I think the approach that worked well for me was just my family showing that they were thankful I was alive and that they were there for me. I’ll never forget when I came home from the hospital, my dad had completely cleaned and organized my room for me. And my parents bought me Oreos and peanut butter ice cream (my favorite snacks). They were good at just doing these little things that showed they wanted to help me transition back into my “normal” life. Whenever the hospital releases you, it’s such a jolt. This place completely sheltered you from your reality and then overnight you’re back to the real world. I think it’s important for families to understand this transition is a really delicate time. And when it comes to talking about what happened, you can’t force the conversation. But at the same time it does need to be addressed. I think for the days following the attempt, simple words like “I love you,” “I’m here for you if you need to talk,” “Are you okay?” can hold so much more power than people realize. My mom and I established some safe words. Some days she could tell I wasn’t okay and we could talk about it. I’d open up and things would be fine. Other days I’d have to look at her and just say, “I’m not okay and I can’t talk about it.” She knew those were the times she needed to step back and let me be. And it’s so important to be patient. Here I am almost 5 years later, and there are certain things my parents are just now hearing for the first time. Everyone is different. Some people may be able to open up so quickly, and others may still be in a dark, alone place that they still need to work to get out of.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Jun 2013 14:49:36 +0000