Families in turmoil for any reason are apt to behave badly. It really is difficult to contain your emotions when your life is spiraling out of control. That does not make you a bad person--it makes you human. Pain often makes you say or do things you might otherwise find repugnant in others. And the longer you have been in pain, the quicker you are to react or attack. It may have become your defense mechanism. The professionals with whom you deal are also human--yet it is part of their job description to treat others with respect, even if the client in need is demanding, rude, unreliable, nasty, vindictive, or just plain difficult. After all, that person is in pain, and may be even more conditioned that way due to years of agony. I was thinking this as a parent actually yelled at me for doing what she had requested I do for her family. After so many discussions, she seemed stunned that I did what I said I would do--at her request! At first, the human me wanted to yell back (what did you expect?! how many times did we talk about this?! I have proof in your emails to me!), but the professional in me held me back and said, NO! This person is in terrible emotional pain. Listen, and learn. And if you cannot help, get out of the way. So I did. I have seen and heard other colleagues called names, receive insults, receive threats, and have even seen one libeled on a blog site with the ugliest of accusations tossed in their direction--with absolutely no credible evidence to back up the claim, only insult, invective, and cruel intent. And the response? What can we do? If we lend credence to these claims by denying them or responding to them, we not only open up a can of worms (Why is this person defending him/herself against this ugly attack? They must be guilty!), we also expose this familys raw nerve even further. So, we quietly sit back until the storm passes, because our defense of the self would run counter to our mission to help and to heal a family in need. Not an easy task for a healthy ego, let me tell you! To those of you out there looking for career opportunities, be certain you have the stomach to hold up to a significant amount of emotional turmoil if you choose to pursue a career dealing with children and/or families! Often it requires a great deal of constraint and thoughtful reflection. You may even make mistakes! And sometimes the mistake you make may be trying too hard to help. On the other hand, you should not be rude, condescending, or arrogant when working with families who need help. That is definitely not part of the job description! And to families in turmoil--we are still here. I am still here. And I am still listening!
Posted on: Mon, 03 Mar 2014 20:51:38 +0000
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