Fear + Control = Less Resistance No I wont smack my child because others believe it is the best way to teach them a lesson. No I wont scare my child because others believe it is the best way to gain control and maintain peace and quiet in the home. No I wont shame my child because others believe they need to be taught a lesson and for them to know their place in the world as others see it. No I wont force my child to have a conversation with others because others believe it is bad manners if they dont. No I wont instil fear in my child to ensure they conform to rules and to avoid them from challenging, wanting reasons or asking questions. No I wont crush my childs creativity because their ideas may be considered inappropriate or take others outside their conform zone. No I wont disregard my child and have them feel like their opinion doesnt matter because others believe that they shouldnt be heard and that their opinion isnt relevant or important. No I wont punish my child in a manner that will only serve to fulfil anothers need to maintain full control and authority. No I wont dominate my child to make others feel more comfortable about dominating others. Yes I will teach and demonstrate to my children unconditional love, respect for others, forgiveness, patience, thoughtfulness, kindness, manners, curiosity, gratitude, gentleness, generosity, compassion, friendship, resilience, independence, humility, inclusiveness, self control, self respect, self worth, understanding, personal strength, determination, persistence and courage. Yes I will set boundaries, explain consequences and let them know when they have crossed the line of acceptable behaviour based on the values I have been taught from a loving and supportive family, community and from my own life experiences. It may not be the way others believe I should teach my children but I refuse to teach and guide my children in fear. If it takes my child longer to learn a lesson because they havent learnt it in fear, than so be it! My children are a mix of there own unique self, a reflection of me, a reflection of their family and a reflection of their community. I maintain full responsibility for my imperfections that they mirror from me as their parent. I own it, I am honest about it and am aware of the flaws that exist within me. Like many I work towards being the best person I can be for myself, as a parent, a wife, a friend and as a member of this incredible world community and universe. Not everyone has the courage to face their own story because fear makes it is easier to judge what others are doing wrong. Instead of reflecting on our own needs and whats lacking (self love and self worth) we fulfil the void by trying to control others and by projecting our insecurities onto them (including our children). Everyone wants to be right, everyone wants to be validated, everyone wants to feel in control. Everyone wants to believe they are doing a better job because it helps them feel good, superior and better about themselves. Its all a story, all of it! It is simply a story and its a story of ego, separation and fear. Regardless, at different stages and at different ages all children will learn differently and navigate and test their boundaries in their own unique way. I believe children who fear less, test more and for some parents, teachers and community leaders that just makes for too much hard work. So, in comes the equation, FEAR + CONTROL = LESS RESISTANCE, which is needed for a conforming majority which has unfortunately become the accepted normality for too many of us and for too many of our children. For some this equation also results in the illusion of gaining more Power. I believe this all to be a mere perception of a false reality for ourselves and our children. - J.A. Ebbage
Posted on: Tue, 11 Mar 2014 14:48:22 +0000
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