Feeling terrified about Timberman and sad about how I fit into this new part of my life as an athlete at the bottom of the food chain.. lacking strength and ability, but fighting strong and not able to fit into a category of being totally disabled. I can jog (although with a limp and pain), I can bike (although with a weak leg and not fully firing glutes), and I can swim (just need a spotter for the kidney and clean water with wound changes).... then I open my inbox to get an email from USA Triathlon magazine that wants to run a story on me.. wow.. really? This is the magazine Ive read for years.. and the one that showed up every month while I was laid up.. sometimes I would cry and throw it away out of anger.. other times, I would lay in bed and read it.. wondering if I would ever compete again.. Im learning that I am really only ever competing with myself.. I have two legs, a heart, lungs, feeling, a mind that is able to articulate, and a driving force to get through these next 6 or 7 surgeries... I will never place.. I will never kick James C Johnstone or Paul Mezick s butt in a triathlon..certainly never keep Christine Kopcha s pace in a run.. but I will train just as hard as them.. and be proud to participate on some level.. Feeling overwhelmed with opportunity.. Asking God for grace and direction so I can keep being authentic, and keep being a light..
Posted on: Tue, 16 Jul 2013 18:54:09 +0000
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